Category: Family


When I Stop Loving You

When I Stop Loving You

My greatest joy as a mother

Was bound to happen since your birth

The day you decided in your mind

How much your soul was worth

It’s the moment we all wait for

Sometimes holding our tongues

When the love of our Creator

Is absorbed through our young

The moment they decide to decide

Separating right from wrong

Dancing to a different beat

Singing their own song

My blessings have been overflowing

When I give it a second glance

When my child stood up for the weak

No matter the circumstance

When her love for the Creator

Was shown by her fight for a tree

When her hopes in man was in

Fighting the death penalty

How brave it is to even think

How much better we can do

To believe we can make a change

Start living life brand new

It is a great honor watching

My sapling grow into a flower

Such lives she has touched

Those beings she helped to empower

There is no preparation

For when your once shy little girl

Is ready to make her way

In this sometimes cruel world

But the most I can hope for today

Is that the lessons she learned

Remind her to not play in man’s fire

Where we all tend to be burned

I pray that when she needs guidance

She will look up toward the stars

Knowing the love of God

Will never be too far

I hope that she will remember

Not to hold on to the greed

That man tends to emit

When focusing on his “needs”

I can not say it is easy

To let her fly from our nest

But like this and all things

Life is a great big test

She has the light of an angel

God’s love is all around

She has more positive energy

Than anyone I have ever found

So I guess for myself

This was a test too

Which all started when

I became a mother to you

So on this day of graduation

I guess we all get a degree

Grateful for having you to love

And for you loving me

But in stopping my chatter

There is one last thing too

There will never be a time

When I stop loving you

Too Late

Too Late

Be mindful of their little hearts

They are attached to little ears

We can break down their little hopes

With the harsh things that they hear

What may be a simple debate

Hardly worth arguing for

Becomes something giant to a child

It seems most like a war

Their little bodies tremble

When their balance comes to an end

Those little hearts we break

Become fences we can’t mend

When we take the dreams of a child

Crush it with our ill intent

We become the thieves of hope

Proof of our souls’ dissent

Instead of elevating others

We are busy thinking of me

We turn our backs on our children

Our divine responsibility

If you can say nothing nice

Find something else to say

Go for walks…go for a ride

Get on your knees to pray

Start appreciating what you have

Stop seeking everything else

Those children depend on you

Stop thinking of yourself

Words are like weapons

It’s like shooting them with guns

The effects are long lasting

What have we done?

We are killing our children

One heart at a time

Yet moving about through life

Like everything is fine

Do not bring your children

Into the center of your hell

They will be forever injured

Even if you wish them well

Love is the simplest word

It has the longest effect

It is what God wants

In fact what He expects

We can’t claim victimization

Can’t claim ignorance

We are assaulting our children

Can not claim innocence

Rise to the challenge

Step up to the plate

Before God does His part

And I’m sorry is too late

Gone Too Soon

Gone Too Soon

Another life we wasted
Another soul lifted up
When will we decide
Enough is enough

Never to graduate high school
Never to marry a wife
No more memories created
Someone stole his life

Another parent mourning
Another memorial set
Why do we only celebrate life
When there has been a death

Death is permanent movement
It cannot be apologized away
No matter what we will do
No matter what anyone will say

A young life shot down
We can all speculate why
We feel the pain of it all
As we start to cry

Another child unprotected
Took his last breath
A loved child of God
Yes we loved him til death

Embrace your children now
Let not a moment pass
Our time is ticking
And simply goes too fast

Don’t allow a funeral to be
What brings loved ones together
For when they are gone to soon
They are lost to us forever

Are We Doing Our Part?

 

   The world is filled with wonder. I love this time of year. I enjoy taking walks and seeing how the once green leaves are changing colors to bright yellow and orange. The weather is cooler; the leaves are falling off the trees. All around you can see children raking leaves into piles and jumping into the crunching mounds…only to rake them up and do it again. I found myself quietly laughing as I watched parents trying to get the kids to bag the leaves instead of playing in them.

   Everything definitely has its season. My season would most definitely be autumn. I love autumn, not only because I was born this time of year, but for various other reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I can finally escape the harsh heat of summer. This time of year brings aromas of pumpkin pie, and cinnamon coated candy apples. Smells of pine and sage throughout the house, when blended gives a definite feeling of warmth and family. This is the season of cooking and eating. A time for gathering friends and family…showing the ones we love how important they are to us. You can actually see the anticipation in the eyes of young ones…knowing that soon it will turn colder…and the snow will make everything new.

   I guess I have always been partial to cooler temperatures. Since I moved away from home I have missed the days of winter. I loved the feel of the crisp clean air, after God has released the first substantial snow. Not like it snows here…where when we get a report of snow flurries the entire town shuts down…for 3-6 inches of snow. And this snow will only last a few days…but in that few days the grocery stores are bombarded with people buying all the milk, bread and bottled water that they have on their shelves. But real snow…which lasts for months. However unlike our counter parts, we are prepared for the weather, which is a way of life for us.

   I remember the importance, as a child, of having the first footprints in the newly fallen snow. And watching as new snow would even cover those footprints, eventually. You would breathe in the clean air and it would make your lungs feel cold; always trying to remember to breathe with your mouth closed so we wouldn’t be in danger of getting frostbite in our lungs. Of course, I think the adults were more conscious of that than we were, as children.

   We had more pressing matters on our minds, like who could run the fastest in the snow…without falling. Often we could see just where nature was going, as snow shoe hare and moose tracks were easier to spy in the fresh blanket of snow dust. All of a sudden we were big game hunters. Warriors tracking our enemies…armed with our armory of snow ball munitions. Our main objective being to infiltrate each others forts; we learned long ago that our forts of snow and ice would serve many purposes. The main purpose of our fortresses being that it kept the cold wind off of us, so we would be able to play longer.

  My favorite thing was to fall backwards into several feet of snow to make snow angels. But the snow would be so deep that I would need some one to help me get up…careful as to not disturb the beauty of my angel. I can not remember a time where I laughed so much. We would make huge balls from snow. The balls would start off slow and then we would roll them in a field covered with untouched snow. I have seen the huge snow balls created taller than we were…they would be so heavy that we could no longer move them. I actually think that they started out as the beginning of a snowman…but, as usual, we made it into something different. I remember once pretending that the giant mounds were boulders and we hid behind them to escape giant man eating dinosaurs. If life could always have been that easy, I often wondered if anyone else could have been having as much fun as we were.

   There was nothing more peaceful than listening to the snow crunch underneath my boots. If you listen patiently, God would speak to us. Of course, His voice is not always words…sometimes it is a sound that stands out for some reason; or a feeling within. His verbiage, while unique…was clearly heard resounding deep within the hearts of us all. There were times when I heard Him speaking as an icicle broke off of the eaves of a house…like glass shattering. And I have seen Him when a pine tree bough gives way to the freshly packed snow…which falls to the ground. I have seen the beauty of my Creator in the soaring wings of a bald eagle…looking over His creation.

   We would finally be called into the warm house; our fingers and toes tingling as they began to thaw out. We would have hot chocolate waiting for us, with a giant marshmallow dropped in the middle of the steam. It used to make the drink frothy and foamy, as it melted from the hot beverage. While we were waiting for the Hot Chocolate to cool we would feast on fresh snow cream. We would crush peppermint sticks and mix it into the sweet concoction, and the taste would be sweet and cool. I can recall the smell of the wood burning in the fireplace…crackling and giving off a beautiful light. It can be mesmerizing to stare into the hot embers, just recollecting about our busy day. I was often told that nothing but TRUTH can survive the flames of fire…and I somehow felt safe in that knowledge. We would all break into laughter when we had finally calmed down, as we noticed that our noses were completely red. For some reason, that felt like the funniest thing, at that time.

  Later in the evening we would go outside and watch the Aurora Borealis dance across the sky. I know that when I watched that spectacular festival of lights move across the heavens…that I had proof that with God all things are possible. And even at an early age, I realized that was all I needed to know in this world.

   It is that thought which has given me strength my entire life. I have always felt that even if there are things that do not make sense to me at the time…they would become clear soon enough. Of course, we all want things in our time…and we can be impatient. We tend to want what we want…when we want it. I know there are some that will say that God gives and God takes away. I suppose that is one way to look at it, although it isn’t necessarily what I believe to be true. It can feel like certain things have been taken from us. We lose jobs…and even though it may take a while, we may learn that what we considered a loss actually opened up a door for a better opportunity.

   We have friends that move away and that certainly will feel like a loss. However, people come into our lives for a greater purpose. We may not see the divine reasoning behind each encounter, but if we seek it, it will become clear. Sometimes people come into our lives to bring us information or awareness of ourselves or others. Sometimes they are placed in our path to help us through a terrible pain we have. Occasionally, people are brought into our path simply to remind us that even though life is very serious…it’s still okay to laugh at ourselves.

   I know, first hand, what it is like to feel the loss of some one due to death. I must say that I have lost many people in my life this way, as I am sure we all have. The death of my sister this year, however, would be one of the hardest things that I have ever had to endure, thus far. Although I wasn’t angry with God, I did feel hurt. IN one moment…a wrinkle in time…I lost my sister…my very best friend. I felt like she had been ripped from my life. I felt isolated, even though all the people who loved me surrounded me with their unwavering love. I was broken hearted. I was just plain broken. I couldn’t imagine a day, one more minute without her. I couldn’t speak without tears forming in my eyes, and I cried a lot. It hurt to breathe in and out…and yet I kept breathing in and out. I would hear good news, or talk to a friend that she and I knew…and I would pick up my phone to call her, then the reality of the situation would hit home. It hit hard. For a while I actually thought that I was doing okay, and then I checked my voicemail. I accidentally played an old voicemail, one that I had just overlooked…forgotten to delete. My sister left a message joking around about how I never answer her calls…she laughed and then said that she would talk to me later and that she loves me. I must have cried for hours. I would never hear that sweet voice ever again. My phone would never ring with her on the other end. I couldn’t breathe. Then someone that I have grown to love more than anything on this earth…whispered the kindest truth into my ear; she said God didn’t do this to you. She said it affects you, yes, but it wasn’t done to you. And as the usual case with this angel…she was right. God did not take my sister from me…she was never mine…she was His. He allowed me to borrow her for a while and during that time; I learned more about love and life than I had ever known. God merely took her from my sight…not my life.

   I will be honest and say that I still miss her. I miss her phone calls and her visits. I miss hearing her crazy stories about her children, but mostly I miss her laugh. There probably hasn’t been a day since that cold day in January that I haven’t missed her. And I know one day, I will be able to think about her and not have to blink past my tears. One day I will be able to think about her million dollar smile and I, too, will smile. In the passing of my sister I learned a way to share her with the world…so they too can rejoice in her inner beauty. I can write about how she saw…beyond this…and helped me move forward. God placed this blue eyed angel in my life and when I received the message she was sent to give me…she had to go home.

   God loves us all in this way. He loves us in spite of our faults and indiscretions. He loves us when things seem to be falling apart or when they are coming together. And even though most of us never reach for Him until we are in despair…He will still be there…loving us. God’s love has no boundaries, no limitations. The only limits that we are bound by are the limits we set for ourselves.

   Our world is full of wonder. Our Creator has delivered a huge bouquet of beauty. The beauty of God is all around us…from the Giant Red Wood Sequoia to a simple green blade of grass. We are the Creator’s canvas in which he paints those things that He loves best. He made roses of every color imaginable…and created thorns to remind us that divine beauty does not have to be tainted to be appreciated.

   He created the Mirabilis tardiflora a perennial flower that blooms at 5o’clock everyday, which is pollinated by hummingbirds and moths. He also created a mountain that disperses red flowing lava, which is too hot to even touch…yet wondrous to the eye.

   He created animals whose outer coats change color to protect them from their enemies. He created aquatic animals whose coloring is specifically designed to keep them safe, as well. He created mammals that walk the earth and others that swim within the great oceans.

  He created man/woman with the love that He created all of His creatures…great and small. We are created from love…it is the core of our existence. We are supposed to not only love one another…but love all that God has created. We should love our world, all of its environments, all of its habitats and all of it inhabitants. This is the easy part because loving each other is natural to us. We make things hard, we create wars and conflicts. We create weapons intended to destroy entire towns and countries. We train men and women to kill each other, without teaching them coping skills. We instill negativity into our children. We place emphasis on the monetary value of people, places and things. We made others think that it is okay to lie, cheat and steal. We are responsible for the destruction of this beautiful earth…and now we are being held accountable for those actions.

  God loves us all, no matter which name we refer to Him as. He loves us regardless of race, religion, creed, socio-economic background, or placement of our family genealogical tree. And in return He only asks one thing of us in return…we must love one another. The only question is…are we doing are part??

May I Be Excused?

May I Be Excused?

 

In life, sometimes things just happen…things come together and occasionally they will fall apart. We can not really say how long things will last, and since everything has its purpose under the heavens, the blessing is in the experience.

  Relationships will come and go, marriages can fall apart. It is a sad reality for most of our population. I suppose there are countless reasons why marriages don’t seem to last as long as they did when my grandparents were brought together. I feel certain that the public acceptance of divorce just made the separation a little easier, for some. I am of the belief that when people initially get married it is with the hope that it will last much longer than it usually does.

  While separation can be a sad decision for the adults involved, my concern is not for them. As adults we have the ability to move ahead; we can go forward and deal with whatever life throws our way. My true concern lies with the children, whom have never had to deal with the stigma of a broken home.

  Honestly, I never cared for the term “broken home”. What would make a home broken? Truthfully, two parents can live apart and still actively participate in their children’s lives, effectively. So I don’t believe that term is accurate in that situation. But when the family is actually torn apart, when there is REALLY an absent parent…physically and emotionally, real damage occurs. Broken homes are created by abandonment, neglect, isolation; we break promises and because of that…we break hearts.

  In actuality, the home isn’t broken…just our children’s hopes and dreams. I’m not suggesting that parents stay together for the sake of the child, that doesn’t always create the best atmosphere for the kids either. But I am saying that the “out of sight out of mind” adage can be a sad truth.

  Children are precious, true proof that God exists. When we are blessed with the love of a child, there is nothing that will ever compare to it. I have often heard divorced parents say that they love their child, unfortunately, in more cases than not…it is followed by a “but”. I have heard every excuse imaginable…I have to find myself…I need to get my life straight…I even heard someone say that their child is better off without them.

  But in my opinion, none of those excuses even matter. While we are getting ourselves together, our children our growing; they are experiencing their “firsts”. While we are finding ourselves, our children are learning who they are and what they want to do with their lives. Our children are crawling, walking, and running. Our children are learning how to drink and eat all by themselves. They are going to school for the very first time, they are losing their first tooth. They are playing sports, making friends and making drawings to post on the refrigerator. They are starting high school, dating, going to their prom, and graduating. But more importantly, while we are thinking that our children are better off without us…what our children hear is that our lives are better without them. Children, in this situation don’t think that we divorced their mother or father…they think we divorced them. Children will blame themselves, for anything and everything.

  Before we know it, our kids are grown. And when our grown children come to us and ask why we didn’t love them enough to call or visit…what will we say? What do we say when our grown children demand answers that a joke or toy won’t answer? What do we do when our, once smiling sweet children, become angry and bitter adults? Who do we blame then?

  What do we say when we pray? What do we pray for when we failed to appreciate the gift that our Creator gave us, when we were made parents? What excuse can we give to the one that knows our excuses are just excuses?

  I pray it isn’t too late for you…once we lose time it can’t be bartered back. We can not purchase love. We can not go back in time. Smiles create memories…and memories make life worth living. Handmade birthday cards and macaroni necklaces mean more than any soul searching mission ever would.

  You need only remember this, the most important position that you will ever have is parenthood; and the pay is more rewarding than diamonds or pearls…because children pay you in butterfly kisses. See that smile? It’s the start of another memory…make a few more.

The Long and Winding Road

The Long and Winding Road

 

  Growing up I often heard the expression…not to choose is to choose. The meaning of which became much more clear as I aged and matured.

  How often had I heard some one say that they were angered or frustrated with a situation and yet did nothing? Often we decide to sit the fence about issues…so to speak. We may feel a certain way about something, yet we take no stand. It is unfortunate that we don’t understand…when we fail to take a stand…we already did.

  We may say that we are against slavery…yet if we do nothing to stop the enslavement…we are silently approving the action. True, it may not be easy to stand up against those who are seemingly in the majority…but what are we REALLY saying…by saying nothing…by taking no stand?

  We are saying…it is okay. We are lending our support to those that we may very well be opposed to. We may say that we do not support the destruction of our planet…but unless we are willing to stand up for the world around us…our well wishes…will always fall upon deaf ears.

  It takes bravery to speak openly against those that oppress us…and often those people are targeted as troublemakers. I almost laugh at those statements…because I personally know one of those troublemakers. I have watched and heard her young heart standing up for what she believes is right or wrong in this life. I have seen people try to muffle her cries for justice…with laughter or jokes, hoping to discourage her candor. But I promise you that this angel is only fueled by any opposition. She is never deterred by society’s criticisms…she keeps her head held high and marches on. She is strong and vigilant…she will stand up even when she feels she is under attack. She always makes her position known…regardless of the viewpoint or perception of others. I have seen her defend the life of a tree more passionately than I have seen men or women defend their fellow man.

  In mid conversation, she will say that it is wrong for the state to kill someone…to prove that killing is wrong. The act in itself emphasizes the “do as I say and not as I do” idea. Even before Troy Davis, the Georgia man who was executed Sept 21, 2011…for the death of an off duty police officer; as a fifteen year old girl…my daughter was debating the death penalty with educators. Did she have some information that we didn’t? No, she simply didn’t need anyone to tell her that killing is wrong. She didn’t seek or desire direction on this matter…she just always knew that loving our fellow man was our primary objective. To put it in her own words…how can our parents teach us that we are not supposed to fight…and that turning the other cheek is what God wants from us. Yet…we send our nation to war. It may seem like an over simplification to some…but again, in her words…wrong is wrong…no matter how many words you dress it up with.

  This young woman is one of my personal heroes. She has won no awards…there have been no stories written about her…outside of my own efforts. She has no National Holiday…but she sings her song of justice loudly…to anyone who will listen. She hasn’t prevented a war…she hasn’t stopped famine or the ongoing problems that we have created for ourselves. But everyday she will tell people openly that the man in the mirror is the change needed. For our reflection is who we are…not who we may think we are. We have a voice…we choose when and where to use it.

  As a society, we have chosen to be led. Growing up; we are told how to behave. Where to sit or stand…who to be nice to…what to wear; the problem is that we are now conditioned. We are conditioned to believe that we need permission to do what we already know is right. It is this conditioning that causes us to allow the destructive actions and decisions of others. No one is dictating to us what we should be doing…so we do nothing. As if we need permission to carry out the work of God.

  What I am saying is that the truths we were taught as children…theses still are true today. The fact is that the TRUTH….always will be TRUE. It is the one constant in our lives. Life can be like a long and winding road…seemingly endless; but the path is the one we have always known.

  We were created to love one another…and with love, comes peace. There can be no negative in that…for the basis of love and peace…comes from our Creator.

  Taking a stand can be hard…but masking who we really are in our silence…is a crime against our nature. Stand up for those that have no voice…be the voice of reason and justice…like our fore fathers before us. Be what we teach our children to be…every day. Lead by example…love by choice…be the humanity we seek in others.

 

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