Some days are harder than others
Some days the guilt of my existence
Is just overwhelming
Some days I think of her and smile
I imagine those blue eyes
Laughing when people have warred against me
Sometimes I can still see that blonde hair
Making me envious…lol
Sometimes I still smell her perfume
Some days I can still hear her words ringing in my ears
“I’m not strong enough to live without you…so God will have to take me first ”
Sometimes…I get so angry
At her self prophetic demise
She only had one fear
“I’m afraid one day I will fall asleep and never wake up ”
And one day…
And now all I can do
Is hope when she looks down on me
She is proud…
Of the woman I have become
Of the choices I have made
But I swear…
Is more painful
Than Lupus or Cancer
Bc I have survived those
I get up
And I thank her
By loving…all people
Everyone needs that
I know I do
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Some days are harder than others
In 2014, one year ago today.
Over 200 African girls were kidnapped while at school
The world seemed to gasp in fear and disbelief
But slowly, other new stories flogged our air waves
And eventually the thought of those innocent children
Would begin to fade away
We became concerned about Ebola
We mourned the death of Robin Williams
We became suspicious of Bill Cosby
Bobbi Kristina’s life became a headliner
And the United States was devastated by the Ferguson injustice
But in the meantime in AFRICA
The families of these 200 girls
200 Missing school girls
To the media…possibly
They were just a number to be read
Perhaps they were just a statistic to be reported
Just another story to try to destroy
It made me weak every time I read about them
Were they even alive
We asked 6 months later
And a year later…
The chatter about their lives
As if these beautiful girls didn’t deserve more than
A few months of discussion
The media says we cannot handle more than one
Strong news story at a time
The media says we shouldn’t care AS MUCH
For people that do not live next door
And that would be the problem …wouldn’t it?
We rarely REALLY care about the children next door
Our thoughts are tied up in us
How we feel
Just think of how loved we would feel
If our Creator only thought of the needs needed for him/her
Where would the LIGHT come from
How would the LOVE change?
If we could start to think differently
Our reality would drastically evolve
And we wouldn’t have to be fed hand outs
From the news outlets
We could genuinely care about women mourning the loss of their daughters
Without judging their way of life
Without deciding all that she could have done better
If we could achieve personal harmony and peace
We could just hold the hand of one of those mothers
Look her in the eyes…
And say…I know
I know you are hurting
I know your heart is breaking
I know you feel all alone
And if you are able…
Look at her as a sister
Love her…without expectation
You might be surprised at how that love
Comes barreling back at you
I cannot imagine
What is was like to live with the horror
That those families have had to endure
And no matter what anyone says
No one deserved that fate
Seek answers… NO
Seek THE TRUTH
Good Morning My Ladies,
Forgiveness is important
It restores our soul
It gives us strength
If we do not forgive ourselves…
How can we genuinely
Forgive anyone else?
There is an old Afrikan proverb that tells us
Never trust a man who gives you a shirt
When he is wearing none
No matter what you may have done
We all deserve THAT kindness
We all deserve THAT kind of love
This morning, before you start your day…
Extend that white flag…to yourself
And no matter what anyone else tells you
YOU ARE VALUABLE
Watch how it encourages others to love you, as well
It is a true honor…just knowing you
GET TO KNOW YOURSELF
Keep in mind that NO MAN can give you
Treat yourself…to SELF LOVE
Watch your smiles multiply
My hope for you on this beautiful Friday…
Is that you will see the beauty in yourself…
That I see and appreciate in each one of you
I LOVE YOU ALWAYS
1500 days ago I experienced my FIRST REAL heartbreak.
1500 days ago was the first time I had noticed this emptiness in my heart.
1500 days ago was the last time her phone would call my house.
1500 days ago all our plans for the future, together, vanished.
1500 days ago…I started crying.
And all of these are true. But also:
1500 days ago I became thankful for just having known her.
1500 days ago I felt the need to share her with the world.
1500 days ago my moments with her became memories.
1500 days ago…life became more precious than silver or gold.
1500 days ago I learned how strong I REALLY am.
You see, 1500 days ago, she left this place. It was unexpected…but soon became reality.
And while the tears will still find me and often catch me off guard; I know she suffers no more.
I know that she is safe and no one can ever again cause her harm.
1500 days ago I became humbled…at how very fragile life can be.
And while I miss my sister, like nothing I have ever experienced, I know her love lifts me up.
I know she is watching over me and my family…smiling.
And sometimes when a tear rolls down my cheek unexpectedly…I swear I can feel her hand wipe it away.
So on this 1500th day…I celebrate life, love and an amazing woman.
So 1500 days later, she still makes me smile…when I think of her.
And my gift to you, on this 1500th day…embrace life.
Take no moment for granted.
Say, YES I CAN.
Take advantage of every opportunity you have in this life, to create a chain of hope.
Link with people…who may have given up.
Shine your light all over humanity.
Love everyone…especially YOURSELF.
You have to be strong…the world will test you.
And while I wouldn’t wish my 1500th day on ANYONE…
I made it…I am still here.
We have work to do…
For even on my 1500th day…
I love you still!
The War On Men
There is an obvious war going on against men; and the common ammunition that is being used is the degradation of women.
Somehow we have gotten off course, men and women. We spend all of our time pointing fingers and placing blame on one another…and yet seem to have NO clue, as to why our families are broken.
We, as women, can get caught up in the whole, I will never submit to a man, mentality…since we are constantly at war with man.
As women we MUST try and understand and appreciate that there is no weaker sex. We do not have to feel like or be prompted to believe that we have to compete against or with him…at anything. There is no weaker sex…we are physically, emotionally and spiritually different. We have been given different roles. And if it is the roles that are causing the problems…perhaps it is self-loathing that we are talking about and not about men.
Men cannot carry or give birth to a baby. This is one of the most difficult tasks in the natural world to perform. Yet, a woman is the only human that can carry out this task…successfully. Where is the competition? Why is there a need….that has been CREATED in us…to feel like we have to compete?
Man may have a vision for his life, but let there be no mistake…woman makes that possible.
She is the empathetic voice in his ear.
She is the curve of his strong spine.
She is the look he gets in his eyes…when his heart feels full.
We should be less concerned about submitting or being less than a man is…and be content with who we are…REALLY. Let’s not forget, our husbands, and fathers are our guardians and protectors. But the women have the daunting task of being the foundation, from which all successes will be based upon. Woman will teach your children the same lessons that their father will, but from a different angled lens. Fathers may pull out the old “Man Play Book”; but your mom will pull you close to her. She will look into your eyes and through your conversation…she will speak directly to your soul. In harmony, your parents are giving you free will. You could choose your fathers way or your mother’s advice…but really they want you to find your own way. This is what a real family looks like. They are not calling one another by inconsiderate and insulting names. They are looking at one another with care and concern…after all our children are watching us. A family is a unit, it moves and flows together…as one. The problem as I am seeing it is this: we are choosing our partners without asking probing questions…about life, love, spirituality…and a TRUE understanding about who each one is…I mean who they REALLY are. We get so caught up in the thought or idea of finally not being alone…that we give little concern as to WHO…we are no longer being alone…with.
We are human so we make mistakes…and while that is a part of our growth; it is also important to learn from that mistake or error in judgment. We can hardly blame another person for simply being who they are. And as the poet, Maya Angelou tells us, “when someone tells you who they are…believe them.”
In all conversations, I have been a part of, when it comes to degrading women…very rarely do you see anyone taking responsibility. We may get mad at the rap video industry for displaying women, half-dressed. But rarely do we place responsibility on the women who are willfully participating in these videos. It is, in my eyes, difficult to place blame on a man for making that video…when there are women still willing to hold their hands out for that paycheck.
At times we may be made to feel like we are being short changed…but that is only because …as stated earlier, that we are in an invisible competition. It is NOT you against HIM…but there has been a very clear establishment that has helped to create this thought in our minds…especially with women of color. We have all been conditioned…but it isn’t too late to open our eyes.
We must put an end to this war on men…because let us remember that it is also a war on our sons. It is a cycle of hate …and we are in the unique position to change it. Men are not the enemy, but the reality is we do not usually speak the same language.
Often sex to men…just means he got sex…whereas sex to a woman can often mean there is something deeper than what he is saying. And it COULD be that; but not always. When men have sex with women, too often we are speaking a foreign language.
We must think about what he is CLEARLY saying…as opposed to what we THINK he means. We must take time and consideration when we are judging the intentions of others. Truthfully, his only intention may be…to just have sex. But we cannot run away from these types of conversations; just because they may be painful or out of some fear of having our hearts broken.
Often we are in love with the IDEA of being in love. After all, the phrase is falling in love WITH someone. Which means you are in it WITH someone. You cannot be in love WITH someone…alone.
There is a war on man…and the family unit as a whole. After all, if he fails…we all fail. And at this juncture in life, can we afford to keep doing the same things and hoping for a different outcome? Why fly blindly, when the vision is so clear.
We cannot continually keep telling ourselves that there will be a perfect time to tell him all he needs to know. There will never be a perfect time to tell her the things you haven’t found the courage to tell her,
The perfect time is an illusion. Sharing your life with someone is risky. So it really comes down to how much you care about that person and that relationship.
And keep this in the back of your mind: if he/she is unable to understand what you are going through, perhaps they aren’t the right one for you. OR, perhaps you just dropped that BOMB on her/him, and they are just needing time to absorb and organize the thoughts.
Either way we are talking about patience, consideration, and divine love.
The Hardest Things
I think one of the hardest things that I ever have done; was to share my real life with you. It can be a frightening thing…to be who you really are…with people you don’t really know.
And truthfully, I have no way to know who will try and cause me harm. But what I do know is this…it is worth the risk. Reaching out to each and every one of you, is worth the risk that I may be wrong.
The most important lesson I have ever learned…is that it is better to love…always. For when your soul, your being, is filled with love…there is no way to lose.
You all have supported and loved me…as long as I have been writing here. And today I wanted to share something new.
Today I have no stitches in need of healing, no tubes coming out of my body, I am no longer using a walker, I am not reaching for a pain pill…today is what made all those days…worthwhile. Days like today…are my reason for waking up every day. And I wanted to share this drama free day with you…so you will know…there is always hope.
I was diagnosed with cancer, diabetes, and Lupus. I have suffered 4 strokes and multiple mini strokes or TIA’s. I have been placed on life support….with my doctors telling my family that after 2 months in a coma…there was no hope of a recovery. YET….I am still here. If I can beat unspeakable odds…can’t we all? Can’t we all be that smile which lights up the universe? Can’t we all give our children our hopes and dreams…without splashing water on their flames?
Never give up on life; it hasn’t given up on you. Sometimes what happens is so simple…we have our own ideas about what life should be about and what we want for ourselves. I ask this of you, allow the energy to guide you. We, often, get so wrapped up in what we want for ourselves…that we do not consider what the universe wants for us.
Don’t be disappointed when life turns out slightly different than what you had planned on. Instead, embrace all of your struggles and challenges. I know some of them are more difficult than others, but know that you still have what it takes to WIN!!
Today I am thankful for all of my medical woes from November 2014…because today…I have no fever, only slight pain, and I am not having to do any superficial healing. I only say this, because our bodies, souls, our hearts are always healing. For all the pain that I have known since last fall, today I am thankful.
I am thankful for all that you all are and all those that you reach out to. I am thankful for my first and last breath of the day. I am thankful to have a most supportive family…and such a beautiful collection of wonderful friends…which we consider family.
As you are closing out your week, give thanks for the unexpected smile you came across …and shine that light upon someone else. While sharing with others can seem to be the hardest thing in the world to do…I promise…it is worth the effort.
I love you
To the hundredth degree
You matter to you
And also to me
Your life in itself
Is an unrealized dream
You give life and love
To people not yet seen
You matter I tell you
Every breath that you take
Is encouragement to another
And the decisions they will make
You matter because simply
I have been there too
Lost, lonely, abandoned
Sometimes battered and bruised
You matter to me because
You will give someone else hope
Sometimes that’s all it takes
To remove a neck from the rope
You matter because today
Someone will here your tale
About how you didn’t give up
How you refused to fail
You matter always because
You survived sometimes brutal pain
If just to walk away and share how
One life is able to sustain
You matter to me my friend
I want to share you with the masses
Encouraging them to step up
Remove the rose colored glasses
Yes, you knew torment
I have felt the same
You are not a statistic
Tell the world your name
Walk ahead and prosper
You were meant for a brighter place
Show them your strength
It’s written all over your face
You matter my love
Because you survived and are here
Furthering my plea
Our Creator is always near
You matter my friend
And I’m so glad that you did
You walked to the head of the class
When others might have hid
You matter like family
I’m so glad that you escaped
And by doing so you helped
Others learn their way
You matter to the world
Because you would not hide away
You did nothing wrong
We’re so glad that you stayed
You matter to us all
So I hand the baton to you
So you can tell another
How much they matter too
We are taught
Don’t speak until spoken to
And when a young girl’s uncle steals her virtue
A parent is defending HIM
we allow bullies to harass our kids
Until one commits suicide ( RIP Amanda Todd )
And we sit quietly while the world blames her
It is more acceptable to join a gang
Than to pray
Somewhere in America
A parent walks away from a family
And we will criticize that child for being angry and bitter
We embrace racial superiority
While we shun learning that black history month is more than MLK
And as little as we learn about black history…
We know little to nothing about our ancestors of native American descent
We would rather watch a YouTube video filled with misogyny
Than to tell our daughters we love them
We will teach our sons not to hit girls ever
And our daughters watch on
We will show our daughters how important they are
By telling their brothers not to be a bitch
I love you all
I have written and spoken many times about Domestic Violence. This is something that I, personally, survived. I know there are some people that may want me to be quiet about it and there are others that may NEED me to be quiet about it. But the problem with this is that I dream of a world where women don’t have to hide their faces in social media. I dream of a time and place where women don’t have to hide bruises or make excuses for a man that has no self-control.
Whether this is a world that you are unaware of or if it’s a life that you have and are trying to keep quiet…here is my message to you:
I survived a difficult cycle in my life…but there are others that are experiencing it and have no voice. I will continue to speak out on this, because whether it fits into our ideas about who a person “really” is or not…this behavior exists. Unless you have been through this, I don’t even think you could fathom what that life is like. And if any of us want this behavior swept under the rug or would prefer that it is not spoken on here or on our radio show…I am left to wonder why?
Everything in the darkness always comes to light…no doubt about that; even if that light is only there to show us who we really are.
Abuse comes in all sizes and shapes, all races, creeds and religions; we cannot think that because a woman doesn’t come forward when WE think she should…if she comes forward at all, that it isn’t true. There is nothing as tormenting as hiding behind bushes hoping that you won’t be seen. There is nothing quite like…fearing nighttime. There is nothing like being afraid everywhere you go…no one should have to live that way…yet there are those of us who will tell you…that struggle is very real.
I will not minimize it or make it seem “not THAT bad” to make another person more comfortable. What happened to me and so many other women should be screamed from the rooftops…only then will this learned behavior stop.
There is nothing like the damage that abuse does to you. It leaves scars and we carry those scars forever. We forever carry around the weight that those types of experiences taint our souls with. It is one thing to survive it…that in itself is miraculous…because too many of us aren’t lucky enough to escape and others of us are too afraid to try but it is quite another to have to break the cycle. The real struggle is when we find real love…that everlasting love and we are so busy watching for cues and clues of abuse that we destroy the innocent in our lives. Of course, that is the point of abuse, to destroy us for another person. I beg of you to not let that happen. I know it isn’t easy. Bruises are so much simpler to hide and heal than a soul that has been tortured.
I will forever speak out against this horrific life cycle. I may make people uncomfortable, but if that is the case…maybe we should ask ourselves …why? Why do you, I or anyone need this swept under the rug? Are we sick of hearing about it or are we hiding who we really are? Are we speaking out of line with the people in our lives? Calling one another names…belittling one another. Is this the best that we can do? Would silencing me make things easier?
Unfortunately silencing me will not change anything…and too many of my sisters are being battered and broken, by people that claim to love them. The time for awakening is now. We don’t have time to sit around and try to figure out why he hits, pushes, slaps, punches, or verbally assaults her. We have no more time to try to find an understanding about why he holds her captive monetarily. While I hope these individuals get the help that they need…it is not the victims place to try and FIX him…because you didn’t break him. Sometimes we have to love people from afar.
As for myself, I will continue to speak out against anyone…male or female that abuses another human being. No one should have to live this way and hiding from it …changes nothing. If you are a man or woman in this situation…speak out…you have a voice. You are not alone…reach out.
For all others that have requested that I silence my thunder…the storm is just beginning…buckle up.
I wish you all light and love.
No matter what you are feeling
No matter what struggle keeps calling your name
No matter who your enemies are
OR who seems to be winning the game
I will promise you this
On all that I own
The sun always rises
And You Are Not Alone
I know you may feel broken
I know the road makes you weary
But I can promise you one thing
That I can see most clearly
It is always darkest before dawn
This I have always known
Hold your head up beautiful warrior
For You Are Not Alone
So when the battle flags are flying
When no hope seems to be in sight
Hold on to the old promise
You will be alright
For these are the lessons
Separates the children from us
These moments will aid in
Teaching that enough is enough
And as surely as I write this
There is a soul that is crying out
About how alone they feel
They just want to cry…no shout
No matter how difficult the lesson may be
No matter how long til it has passed
This is the temporary journey
It’s not meant to last
So pick up your heart
Dust off your tattered soul
While I tell you another thing
That you may or may not know
You are not measured by man
Not his intention or reason
You were cultivated in pure love
And THAT never goes out of season
Upward and onward for you
The message is clear
I am here for you
And will always be near