To You From Me

Today, I thought of something I wanted to tell you…and I picked up the phone to call; I almost started dialing when I realized you wouldn’t be picking up. And I thought about all the wasted time I spent not calling you. I thought about all the wasted hours, minutes and seconds not spent telling you how very much I love you. Shame on me for not taking more time to shine God’s light on one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. Now I have moments filled with regret. I regret not telling you how bright your smile always was…and I pray that you are smiling down on us now. I regret the calls I didn’t make, or the vacations we didn’t take; I wish I could have those moments back. I wonder if you ever knew that when people met you, they couldn’t help but to love you. You had this aura around you; everyone wanted a part of it. You never wanted to be more than who you were; did you ever know that people would give anything to think about themselves that way? You could find laughter in everything. Even in illness, or sorrow…I can hear your laughter, even now. I can remember going through so much, being so sad…and you making jokes about everything. Always willing to give and be all that you can…for those whose smiles didn’t come so easily. Are you watching us now? Do you see how hard life has become for me? If you are, please know that I know you are in a better place. You don’t have to be in pain, or feel sorrow ever again…I am so thankful for that. But I am over wrought with sadness…my heart feels like it is breaking and re-breaking everyday. Please forgive me for being so weak. Forgive me for not sharing every moment with you…please know that my heart was always in the right place. Every once in a while, look down on us, and remind us to laugh at ourselves. Show us how to continue loving ourselves and each other; remind us to find reasons to get out of bed…until finally we do it without thinking about it. Finally, our blue eyed angel, give God our undying gratitude. For, even though our hearts are heavy right now, because your stay with us was far too brief…you have left your footprints on our hearts.