Hello Again

Hello, again. Today you sped through my mind, so quickly. I could almost feel myself wanting to beg you to slow down, just for a moment. I kept wondering, if I had just one moment…what would I say or what would I do? Is there something that I would do differently or would I keep things the same?

Would I take slow walks with you, just breathing in the life all around us? Would we plant flowers and watch as they grew a little each day? Would we take more shopping trips; even if we were just window shopping? Would we go back to the beach and look for sea shells and watch the children playing in the water? Would we go camping and roast marshmallows, until it was completely dark…except for the light of the campfire? Would I gaze into your amazing eyes and just soak up the very beauty of you? Would I tell you “I love you”, a million times…like it was the very last time I would ever get to say it?

Would we save up and take that huge trip to Africa or Australia, which we never were quite able to pull together in your short life? Would we stay up late talking about this or that? Would we give life to the truth, which we both know too well now…life is too short and regrets are too abundant?

You always run through my mind too quickly and there is so much I want you to know. Oh, how I miss that smile. I guess everyone says that, but I mean that little smirk you wore…as if to say…”I know something you don’t know”. I miss how you always looked for the color blue in everything and how everything in life, seemed to make you happy. You smiled through financial worries and you smiled through divorce; more importantly you helped me smile through Cancer and Lupus. You would pick my smile up off of the floor; dust it off and hand it back to me.

So many times I am left to wonder…what am I supposed to do now. Who will be there for me…when I am not easy to be around? Who will wipe my tears when I am so caught up in my emotions? Who will love me…as only a sister can…like only my sister could?

If I could slow you down…when you run through my mind…I don’t think I would say anything. Maybe I would just hold your face in between my hands and smile at you. I would just breathe you in and never want to exhale. I think I would just tell you that you gave me the most beautiful and most heart wrenching days of my entire life…when you came into my life…and when you were called home.

Don’t get this wrong, I never want you to stop walking through my mind. I want to always be reminded of what an angel you were to me in your life…and beyond that. I want to always remember how sweet your voice was when you were singing. I want to always be reminded how very precious life is…without you even really trying to do it.

I am thankful to you for all that you contributed to in my life and I want to tell you that the strength you restored within me…over flows.

I may always ache for your phone calls and visits; and maybe one day I won’t hurt quite as much. But even on days when I just want to say “hello, again”…I am really just saying…God…how I miss her so.

Happy Birthday, Melissa…I love you!

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