After my sister passed away
I had to deal with more pain
Than I had ever known
Not physical pain…I had become accustomed to that
But REAL heart break
And almost like a 6 year old
I decided I had dealt with enough…
And i just wasn’t equipped enough
Not strong enough
It was too hard
I literally threw a temper tantrum in my mind
But the thing was…
Whether I was ready or not
Whether it made me sad or not
It was here…
I had no choice
I remember talking to her around New Years Eve…
As I often do…since she passed
Telling her….I hate this
I wanted to see her
To touch her face…
And she said to me…while laughing
Have you ever loved anyone that you couldn’t touch?
Of course…everyone has
She said….do u love them less?
Of course not…but this isn’t the same
I want to be able to see you…
She reminded me that the kind of love we have now
Is the first kind of love we ever felt
Its unconditional…
It is not determined by man
Nor his/her physical needs
She said it will always be here for you
You can never undo it
No matter what choices you make…
I will always have my hands on your shoulders
She reminded me of the way I loved most people I know
And this was it…
Completely…without expectation…
I am thankful for those moments…
It reminded me of where i am supposed to be
Not for others…
But for my ancestors…
Love without expectation…
And you will never be disappointed
I miss you Melissa …
But I am not capable of loving you less….

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