Category: Adversity


Doubt


Doubt

What is the greatest weakness of man

To give a clue…it’s not of another’s hand

Not love, hate or indifference others shout

 Its ye of little faith… those who harbor doubt

Its that little inner voice saying I don’t know

Fear of the other voice saying…I told you so

It’s the fear of the unknown…shadows in the dark

Inner self making you afraid of who you are

Do not let another single soul

Remove you from your place

They know not of you

Only their own dark space

For when evil comes knocking

Telling us all that we are not

It shows not our shortcomings

But THEIR lives are on the spot

When in doubt seek direction

Let no other man guide you blindly

The truth is never hidden

But you must desire to find it

Doubt not your selves ever

Nor your Creator from on High

For you exist because of He

Doesn’t really matter why

We all have a path which is written

Upon that which we came

Seek Truth…set aside doubt

For Truth is without blame

Love not waste not

For moments are best spent

With love all surrounding

It’s a show stopping event

Doubt not my loved ones

The love which brought us here

Will guide you through all storms

There is nothing but doubt to fear

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A Day In The Life


A Day In The Life

 Today is International Lupus Awareness Day. Those of you who know me; or have followed my blog, may be aware that I have Lupus. I usually write something poetic about that specific struggle; but I have decided to just share my day with you, instead. Let me first start by saying…this is not a ploy for sympathy; sympathy will not change anything. I know you may have heard of Lupus…but are you aware of it?

I wanted to share my day with you, because sometimes the “Lupus Talk” can be overwhelming…or perhaps it is hard to picture what it is like. This is MY day with Lupus…it will be different than many other Lupus survivors; as the true “Gem” of this disease is that it will attack us all differently.

It all started so simply; I am going to run an errand. I know I won’t be gone long; so I don’t take the necessary precautions. I will go over those momentarily. I put on a t-shirt and pants…throw my hair up in a hat and I am off.

Unfortunately I got stuck in a traffic jam for 30 minutes and it is 86 degrees; the sun is beaming down. For most people, this is not a horrible thing…but I have Lupus and everything is different for me.

In 30 minutes, I have severe sunburn…my face has blisters. My skin is hot to the touch…not because the wind wasn’t blowing, but because Lupus has destroyed my body’s ability to cool itself off…I never sweat. For those of you that don’t realize this; when you cannot cool your skin…it can be very damaging. By the time I get to my errand, I am physically ill. I have to run to the bathroom…I can’t seem to stop getting sick.

By the time I get home; my skin is burning…my face swollen and blistered. It hurts to open and close my eyes, because Lupus often comes along with other auto immune diseases; so I also have Sjogrens. Sjogrens tends to dry my eyes out; causing them to swell and often they turn black and blue. I am running into the bathroom…after getting sick once again, I tear off my clothes so I can take a cool shower…I must cool my skin down.

As I told you earlier, Lupus attacks us all differently. Severe sun damage can do more than sunburn and blisters; it has, previously caused some organs to shut down. I have gone into a coma…had several strokes.

I want you to be aware. Lupus is more than a purple ribbon. Lupus is more than a “Spoon Theory”. Lupus is more than a word. Lupus, for 1.5 million people in the U.S. alone, is a way of life. Up to 15% of Lupus patients will die from this disease…but what that means is up 225,000 Lupus patients , in the U.S., will die; that is 750,000 people worldwide. While Lupus patients are 90% women…it is usually more severe in men. Lupus tends to show up more in minorities; but can affect all people.

Don’t just “Hear” about Lupus…be aware. Be aware that when he/she says she is tired or in pain…it is REAL.

I was raised in a deeply spiritual home. I was taught to be thankful for every moment. But I will tell you…Lupus made me aware. I am aware that my day can change in a moment’s notice. I was in a coma for 2 ½ months; that does something to a person. I am thankful for every single day that is more “Normal” than the last. My kidneys and liver have shut down; my lungs have developed blood clots; yet I am thankful. I am still here…so today…I wanted to share a day in my life. Be thankful for what you have and be aware that some of us have it a little harder than you may realize.

As always, I wish you love and light.

Spoon Talk


Spoon Talk

What is this spoon talk

Amongst Lupus heroes

They symbolize our energy

How fast it can go

You need one to get up

But don’t be too fast

For one spoon opens your eyes

That’s how long a spoon lasts

Throughout the day you have

Limited spoons to use

By mid day you are

Running on a short  fuse

Who would have thought

A conversation would take

So much energy…a spoon

Concessions we must make

Oh and the smiles

They are deceptive too

But she doesn’t want

This to be a burden to you

So she smiles and laughs

While spoons are being spent

Until she realizes that

Her energy…it went

I guess if fatigue was

The extent of this disease

It would be a cake walk

Like a soft blowing breeze

But there is the pain and swelling

There are the organs shutting down

There are the tears she sheds

When no one else is around

There is the knowledge that

Lupus tends to create

Pain, bruising, swelling

The rashes, fatigue…the aches

Its amazing exactly how much

One shining smile can hide

Fear of the unknown

Lupus is a frightening ride

She gives a spoon for this

And a spoon for that

It may get you going

But how do you get back

Every idea you have

Every motion you make

Every attempt at normalcy

Is ALL lupus takes

So I am sharing with you

On this unspecific day

Be aware that this disease

Wants to kill all in its way

So my prayers are lifted up

And my heart it breaks

I know your struggles

How your strength breaks

Lupus and spoons

One day will be done

Keep hope in your hearts

This war will be won

I am sending you a smile

Healing energy and joy

For those days when

Your life feels a void

From my heart to yours

Til we fear the spoon no more

I wish you love and joy

Make memories galore

The Bright Side


The Bright Side

Life can sometimes spiral out of control. We can feel as if we are lost or even as if we may not want to be found. We may feel alone or isolated…wondering who would even notice if we just dropped off the face of the earth. These sentiments are what make this topic pertinent. We are all important, our lives are essential in some plan that God has for us. Just like when we speak of the importance of animals and the chain or circle of life…we, too, are critical parts; in the grander scheme of things. Something as minor as a smile to a stranger…may change the course or energy of a day. A kind word or gesture could turn war time into a moment of peace.

What is the bright side of a life which appears to have no particular meaning? Well, we woke up today. We lifted our heads…and because we were willed to do so…the work God has lain out for us has begun. The bright side is the fact that today…unlike some…you received the gift of another moment…another opportunity to do the work of our Creator. Today we can hold our heads up and move forward. We get to choose whether we live or simply exist; while keeping in mind that we are the example that others are turning to. People don’t want us to tell them what to do…but they are open to observing those thoughts in action. We are responsible for all of our deeds…large and small…good and bad. We can impress or depress people…we have the luxury of choosing the path we walk.

Look on the bright side…today is a new day…and the way we view it may help or hinder someone else. Things happen in life, some of these things may seem like they have broken us…left us in pieces. I think we have all felt this way…one time or another. But the actual truth is…we were not broken, shattered, crushed, or defeated. We were simply temporarily impaired…stunned…surprised…startled and dismayed. And here we are…not only present and accounted for but looking on the bright side of life. We have simply evolved into another part of who we were intended to be. We may feel sad at times due to a change or loss in our lives; and while I am not trying to take away from that very real feeling…I am going to tell you that hope always exists.

You get to decide the energy that you will emit on others…just as I do. And yes, we will sometimes falter. It is okay to stumble on the building blocks of life…as long as we understand that they are just blocks…and not giant walls with no means of escape. You have to remember to pick yourself up and press on…eyes are watching you. If you have hope…someone else will be able to feed off of it…and they will be able to give hope to others, as well. Use the foundation that we were created with…love…peace….understanding and kindness; these are the elements of success and hope.

Life is a gift. It regenerates, rejuvenates and revitalizes our souls. It is okay to have rough days…but understand that…better days will follow. No one expects perfection, but we do expect, desire, and need your word that you will constantly strive for more.

Our lives contribute to the ever populating circle of love…and the bright side of that concept is that love always comes back ten fold. Love is more like the boomerang of God…no matter where you toss it…God will make sure it finds you again. Contribute to the lives of others…remember they too are looking for a bright side…be that for them. Other people have the same insecurities, anxieties, and hesitations that you may have…lend them your shoulder and in doing so…open your heart.

The possibilities of life are endless…unless we stop trying. Do not be your own road block…expect the impossible…because with the divine love of our Creator…all things are attainable. There is no goal or idea which is too much for our Creator…we simply need to ask and be prepared to receive it. Look at the bright side…no matter how dire a situation seems…this too shall pass…and the lesson in the struggle may feed the hopes and aspirations of others.

You Are Loved


You Are Loved
We are so particular
Fixing our hair every day
We could hardly be seen
Looking half done this way

We select our clothes carefully
Sometimes the night before
Planned often days ahead
Sometimes even more

Yet while we are spending
Our time looking at us
What are we overlooking
Making our intentions unjust

If our hearts were as beautiful
As our faces and hair
We would never judge another
Yes, let’s start there

We look down upon others
While smiling in their face
Saying I do not judge anyone
Yet cursing their race

We impose our belief system
Upon others in our way
Saying it is as I tell you
No matter what you may say

We have railroaded people
Locked them in chains
Yet criticize them when
Only anger remains

We watch our women be abused
Our children being assaulted
But why even get involved
It’s not our fault…is it

Not our fault…really?
How did this thought transpire
Like watching people burning
While we walk right past the fire

If you care about self
As we all have tendency to do
While casting aside others
Who deserve the same things too

We are failing to reach High
Not doing what we should
Always talking about how we can’t
Knowing full well that we could

Acting like loving is a punishment
For a spiritual crime
Thinking not of our brothers
Because we are still stuck on “mine”

When we can not see the forest
Because of those worthless trees
We no longer must wonder why
Our garden is full of weeds

For while you may have success
Money, fame and things
You will become a victim of ego
And the punishment that brings

For ego is not real, however
When we create it within
We have edged away God
The only TRUE sin

For you are not greater or wiser
Than anyone or anything here
You have, in fact, lost focus
So you will live in real fear

Fear that one day someone
Will see you for who you are
Not an angel of truth
But a faint falling star

So start today, it’s so easy
Reach out for a hand to shake
Start loving all that
He did create

And at the end of the day
Give thanks for those touched
So you may be reminded why
You are loved so much


When Your New Day Starts
Someone wise once told me
The arrogance of the fight
Is not in the challenge but
The decision of who is right
Quite often the sharpness of our tongue
Can start to feel like a blade
Leaving our opponent worn down
From the remarks that we made
Often said my earth angel we tend to forget
About the survival of hope
It’s all we need to get by
It feels we are at the end of our rope
Destroying each others will
Will only lead to rage
Where no one really wins
And first blood is engaged
Is it not better to have a life?
Without all of the grief
Sure victory is sweet
But the taste is so brief
Who doesn’t need hope?
And something to believe in that is greater
And what power is larger
Than the one of Our Creator
So squabble if you have extra time
And no tasks ahead of you
But when you verbally assault God’s children
You will have answering to do
Like what good have you done?
Who did you help in your time?
And those wills that you tested
Those spirits were mine
I tell you your hearts are where
Our Father…he lives
It’s the reason it’s housed
In a cage made of ribs
So when you break the heart of another
As if it can be fixed in a shop
I beg you to wake up
I implore you to stop
For God so loved man that within him
He breathed His air
It’s why God is within us
We can find Him everywhere
So my beautiful brothers and sisters
Go easy on the our ears…our hearts
And recycle the gift of hope
When your new day does start


I Will
I will not give up today
No matter what transpires
My soul will march forward
Even when my body begins to tire
I will smile at Gods creation
Even if it doesn’t smile back
I will count all of my blessings
While the world tells me what I lack
I will keep on walking forward
While there are obstacles in my way
And when man says there is no hope
I will still continue to pray
I will look for the good in all
Whilst people acknowledge only the bad
And although you may want me to sit
I will continue making a stand
I will keep erecting bridges
Where people are torn apart
And even as you may think its over
I will tell you its barely begun to start
I will construct a chain of hope
Where some may break a link
I will smile and continue on my path
Before you get a chance to blink
I will smile in adversity
While staring at your fist
I will sing the praises of our Father
And the angels in our midst
I will love always my neighbor
While he may swear in my face
You may take my possessions
But never my Creator’s Grace
I will get back up and start over
Every time I do fall
I will be reminded of the tests
Which are placed on us all
I will talk about my Father
Hallowed be thy name
And while you may try my faith
The outcome is the same
I will ask God for forgiveness
Father they know not what they do
For while you may cast stones upon me
I will always pray for you
I will continue to spread joy
While man displays his hate
And I will submit to God’s will
And pray that before it’s too late
That you will see the light
Because the darkness tends to hide
The beauty you were born from
And the love you have inside
I will fail from time to time
As only real people do
But I will never give up on God’s will
How about you?


Love Has No Fear

Her life is unspoken

She has survived much

There are reasons why

She flinches at your touch

Be cautious I implore you

When seeking her understanding

Be sure to try and not judge

A life which is most demanding

Her scars are running deep

Her pain is devastating

Bruising goes deeper than skin

On thin ice she is skating

If she gathered her courage

Sucked up the fear

To reach out for help

As she wipes away a tear

Please do not judge her

Or the decisions she made

Don’t ask what she did to him

Or ask why it is she stayed

All she needs at this point

When all others are a dead end

Is someone to say…I’m sorry

An understanding friend

Remember your worst moments

Is her every minute of the day

No one to turn to for support

Always being pushed away

Be the life raft when needed

Be the calmer of the storm

Be the being you were intended

To be since you were born

Her life isn’t alien

It could happen to you

When your world crashes

And you don’t know what to do

Judge not my friends and neighbors

She represents us all

Life has a way of dropping us

When we’re standing too tall

She did not ask for the violence

And this domestic assault

This is not a lovers spat

IT IS NOT HER FAULT

See past what we are spoon fed

Look beyond the pointing finger

Criticisms of her life is where

Hate tends to linger

Embrace her with all you have

Remind her…I am here

Walk her down God’s path

Where love has no fear


Love Has No Fear

Her life is unspoken

She has survived much

There are reasons why

She flinches at your touch

Be cautious I implore you

When seeking her understanding

Be sure to try and not judge

A life which is most demanding

Her scars are running deep

Her pain is devastating

Bruising goes deeper than skin

On thin ice she is skating

If she gathered her courage

Sucked up the fear

To reach out for help

As she wipes away a tear

Please do not judge her

Or the decisions she made

Don’t ask what she did to him

Or ask why it is she stayed

All she needs at this point

When all others are a dead end

Is someone to say…I’m sorry

An understanding friend

Remember your worst moments

Is her every minute of the day

No one to turn to for support

Always being pushed away

Be the life raft when needed

Be the calmer of the storm

Be the being you were intended

To be since you were born

Her life isn’t alien

It could happen to you

When your world crashes

And you don’t know what to do

Judge not my friends and neighbors

She represents us all

Life has a way of dropping us

When we’re standing too tall

She did not ask for the violence

And this domestic assault

This is not a lovers spat

IT IS NOT HER FAULT

See past what we are spoon fed

Look beyond the pointing finger

Criticisms of her life is where

Hate tends to linger

Embrace her with all you have

Remind her…I am here

Walk her down God’s path

Where love has no fear

**Check out further writing at our website www.myraysoflight.com


My True Relief

I have known pain

I have known tears

I have known abuse

That causes REAL fear

I have known frustration

I have known isolation

I have known illness

I have known degradation

I have known loneliness

I have known hate

I have known racism

And other ills we create

I have known insincerity

I have known lies

I have known hurt so deep

Words cannot define

But when I let go of these

Reasons for being apart

When I looked with my soul

And opened up my heart

I realized that these things

Made me a woman who is strong

And what felt like years and years

Didn’t really last that long

For I am fueled by a source

Who says I am LIGHT

It fills my being

And clears my obstructed sight

I have known those things…yes

But let me tell you what

I have known much more

Than what I have not

I have known joy

I have known love

I have known peace

Given from above

So while I may have known disaster

And devastating illness and grief

I have also known HIM

My Father…my TRUE relief