Category: God


You Are Never Alone


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Grief is a difficult cycle of life
We will be told that we are sorry for our loss
But really what we lost is just the control of
Our own emotions
Its a transformation of love change
It makes us sad
Because we have forgotten
This is the first type of love ever given to us
Divine love
Love without barriers
Without bars or windows
As humans we may try and facilitate
Physical love…
And that confuses our higher selves
Because our souls realize
That physical love is limiting
It causes us to forget that smells and sounds
Colors and a gentle breeze
Made us smile as infants
Not because we could wrap our tiny fingers around it
But because we understood, at that time
What it was like to be loved from within
For so many of our friends and family members
I wish I could stop the aching in your hearts
I know it too well
And I hope one day you will be able to receive
What I am trying to give to you
Because all the love you were given…
No matter how short their stay here…
Was a seed that they planted
Something that will always connect you
And one day when you are desperately seeking an answer
And one shows up…
Without explanation…
Just know that it was your loved one(s)
Giving you a moment of relief
Love never leaves you
In fact…
From this point forward it can only grow
Just know that you are being watched
From a place that you have been before
But have forgotten
Love knows no boundaries…
And you will never be alone

I’m Not Strong Enough


 

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In about 3 weeks, on January 4th…
It will be 5 years since my sister left this place.
It always leaves me feeling like she JUST left
Over and over again
And during times when I swear I just want to give up
And believe me there are plenty of those…
I remember having a conversation with her once…
Telling me that I should never make apologies for who or what I am
Never let anyone else’s ideas of who you should be…
Taint who you know that you are
For most people the holidays can be happy times
And for some it is sad and depressing…
For me…
Getting past the holiday season is greeted with the fact
That 5 years ago…just after all the decorations and celebrations were over
That cold early morning call came in to me
Jen, mom won’t wake up
I don’t think she is breathing,,,
There is NOTHING…
NOTHING…
That can prepare you for THAT kind of heartache
She was strong…
The most beautiful kind of strong
And while I, often, quite desperately
Try to recall our millions of conversations
There is only one that tends to stand out…
When I was very ill…
Just waking from a coma
She came to see me…
She grabbed my hand and smiled
Her blue eyes sparkling…
I knew you would be okay
How could you have known that?
I am not strong enough to live without you
God will have to take me first…
And so it was…
Please make the most of your moments
Those that you are certain will be here no matter what
Won’t
Those phone calls you have put off until tomorrow
Those visits to the family that KNOW U LOVE THEM
Make those calls and visits…
There is nothing worse than
A life filled with regret and sorrow
So during this holiday…
Hold your loved ones close
I love you all

Where Do Broken Hearts Go


Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

 

Where do broken hearts go? This Whitney Houston song came to me today; I loved her music, but it was the next line that spoke to me…”When they can’t find their way home”.

Today while I was out running errands, trying to figure out what to have for lunch…clinching my water bottle like it was my life line…I stumbled across today’s blessing.

Something caught the corner of my eye, I saw a young woman, in her early twenties. She was dressed neatly, nothing extravagant or too simple. I smiled at her; then I proceeded to watch her go through a trash can and dig. After I took a moment to absorb this; I thought maybe she was collecting aluminum cans, or even maybe looking for change that someone threw away unintentionally. I was saddened…as I watched this beautiful woman dig out of the trash can, a McDonald’s cup. She took off the lid, to look inside. She placed the lid and straw back on the cup and drank whatever was inside of it. I could feel my heart breaking, for her, and then for myself…having watched it.

I looked at her for a moment too long, and as she looked at me…a single tear fell down her face. There really is nothing more sad than a single tear…even deep sobs don’t bother me as much. They are the tears that say…I’ve been holding on as long as I can…and I just need to let go. My eyes swelled with tears. She came up to me and told me that I had a beautiful smile…and all at once we had a matching tear. I reached for my sealed bottle of SmartWater, feeling thankful that I had not yet opened it. I told her that I am always telling my husband that he doesn’t drink enough water and handed it to her…along with whatever lunch money I had in my hand, no longer caring about my lunch.

She smiled and said…your heart is probably the only thing larger than your smile. We both laughed. This light came across her face, as if it was the first time she had seen laughter in a while. She went on to say I was angelic, and even that statement brought tears to my eyes. She wished me well and we walked away from one another.

I have thought about her constantly since the meeting. I wonder how she will eat tonight, or if she even will eat tonight. I wondered how this happened to her. I prayed silently and out loud for her…for all of us.

Where do broken hearts go…when they can’t find their way home?

This was my blessing of the day…

I think that most of us may not feel angelic…I know that I don’t always feel that way. I fall short. I don’t mean to…and I always feel badly afterwards. I, like most, am flawed. I can be selfish and short on patience. But, today…I loved this woman. I loved her strength…and she loved me back, even though it wasn’t expected from either one of us.

We can do better, I thought. No, I can do better. Yes, I can.

My message for this day, be patient and forgiving of yourself. If you cannot forgive yourself, how can anyone trust that you will forgive them? Be patient, we are all works in progress. Remember that looks are deceiving, this woman looked like no homeless or indigent person…I had ever envisioned in my mind. Everyone is fighting some war…we don’t have to be a part of that.

Try a little tenderness; we all have battle scars. Wouldn’t be better if we didn’t crack open one another’s wounds with our words or maliciousness?

Where do broken hearts go? They go to a most loving Creator and that Creator sends them to one of us. It is the fact that even WE are so loved that we are given the opportunity to be tender with complete strangers.

Today…be the bandage and not the gash…which may heal the broken hearts, which find their way to our souls.

 

It Really Matters


It Really Matters

 

Love is never wrong

Love is seldom right

It just is…like the air we breathe. It exists… Love surrounds us, always. And like the air we breathe in and out; we will always breathe it in…we cannot live without it. Think about that for a minute.

If we were to decide we are never going to BREATHE again…like we often do with the concept of love…we would be rendered unconscious. Our body needs air…our soul needs love…and not just the romantic love…but all-ness. Loving all things…all of the time. Every single person, every blade of grass was created with this in mind. None matter more or less, to our Source. We, as humans, may have developed an “I” mind state. This is important to me…or that isn’t important. These judgments take us away from our core…or All-ness.

No measure of how much, or enough; no counting minutes and hours, as if there is a dead line. Notice how we never see an animal worried about time or space. We never experience nervous anxiety from animals, no staring at a clock…or even the sun….as it would be a natural keeper of time. Humans are the only beings in creation that creates its own stressors…making time or lost time a part of those stressors.

Love teaches us that memories, not moments are the true gems in life. We must set aside our pre-conceived notions about who and what love is. We rarely ponder what air REALLY is, except to think about keeping it clean, so that we can survive. Love is very similar. It does not require a lot of thought…for love simply is. Like air, however, we must keep it clean and pure. Again, we are talking about All-Ness…not simply intimate love or lust.

Love becomes so many things, the number is infinite. Love restores our soul, gives us back our esteem, teaches, preaches, accepts, and wraps itself up in all things…large and small.

It teaches us gratitude. Being gracious helps elevate us to our next destination, in life. Being thankful tells us that time has no use here. The minutes hours and days of space don’t matter as much as the inhaling and exhaling of our Creator’s love. The movement of the hands on a watch or the shade given from a sundial…is pale by comparison.

We must learn to be mindful in our speech and actions. Stay connected to your soul, by being aware of where your mind goes, when you are day dreaming. Stay awake, in this life. Do not allow tragedies and things that hurt our eyes and hearts; to keep us from reaching out to one another. When this cycle starts it is very difficult to stop it. When we turn off our inner light, because something was difficult to our senses…our soul starts dying…our light doused with water. It is, in fact, these difficult things that awaken us. These experiences allow our spirit to be re-kindled. These times are intended to splash cold water on our faces…take advantage of that opportunity.

Participate in your own life; and know that your life touches others, as well. You can be that torch that leads the way, or you can choose to go cold. Too many of us spend our days sleep walking and when we start waking up…it frightens us and we then desire sleep again. We must be mindful of ourselves and our minds. And when we feel our inner self traveling to the past…we must find a way to come back into what is now. The past should only be used as a learning tool. It’s okay to think about it…but remember that no matter how much thought you give it…it will never change.

Our souls mourn for the dead who still breathe; once love has been stricken from us…we die. We must participate in our own lives. We have a duty to uphold what our ancestors have created for us. We must respect and honor that rite of passage…and when that happens…real change will begin. Let us only hold onto the things that matter…here and now…air, love, life and a pure soul are all that really matter.

 

A Soldier’s Grace


A Soldier’s Grace

Today lets celebrate life
For some gave all
Lets reach inside our souls
Don’t fear the fall
For even if we stumble
Even if we falter
Was part of HIS plan
Nothing needs to be altered
Love with all you may have
And with some not yet seen
Love higher than the ego
Or whats on the silver screen
On this day of celebration
Let’s pay homage too
Those who laid down their lives
For the red, white and blue
For those left behind
For those still here to embrace
Celebrate with love and laughter
And with a soldier’s grace

Bring Back Our Girls


Bring Back Our Girls

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In Nigeria, over 230 school age girls have been kidnapped. It makes me sad every time the thought of that crime comes into my heart.

But some will still say…half way around the globe…why should we care? We have our own problems. Yes, we do have our own problems…and in part…it can be found in that statement. We should care, because if it happened to our daughters…we would want the world to stop spinning. We would want all businesses to halt and all laughter to cease. Can you imagine? They are sitting in a classroom…where many people don’t want them to be anyway, and they are taken. There is no cell phone to call for help. The police aren’t storming in with a swat team…ready to rescue them.

Can’t you almost feel their fear? Can you hear their cries? I can. Anyone who is in touch with their own humanity can most readily feel these beautiful girls seeking help…blindly. Who would do this and to what end? This becomes the sad part for me… There is a myth that says that if you are HIV positive and you have sex with a pure virgin girl…the disease will be stricken from your body. The girls taken for these purposes are sold for $12…that is twelve dollars. This is so sad, not only because this is just a myth, but because of the desperation involved.

Why should we care? We should care, because we do have our own problems. That may seem strange to some, so allow me to elaborate. During the worst struggles of my life, when I was stricken with the reality that this thing or that will most assuredly take my lively hood; I reached out to someone else. I held someone’s hand, I listened while they cried, I sought a solution that they may have missed, I wrote a poem…and when I started living my life in this way…my rewards became abundant.

Is it easy to let go of whatever ills or bad feelings we have, not usually. But I promise, if you are able to look outside of yourself…you can literally heal a nation. I challenge you and your mind…let your heart feel. Let it touch others…allow it to gently hug another. Don’t be afraid to feel or be felt. There is nothing quite as beautiful as love when it starts to bloom. Allow the kindness of strangers to heal your broken heart. You will be surprised at how easily that can happen. A simple touch on the shoulder…telling us that they understand, even if they are not personally touched by our plight. In the end we all want to be loved…as love is the universal antibiotic.

So when you hear about the story of these precious Nigerian girls that were stolen away…open your heart. Understand that giving your heart to someone does not take away from you at all. Think about them when you pray…think about them when you think of your own children. Give thanks for these precious moments we are given…they are the things that dreams are made of.

And tonight, as I write this, know that I am extending my heart to you.

Light and Love be yours, LM Young

For The Love of Avonte


 

 

avonteFor The Love of Avonte

I learned about this beautiful child named Avonte Oquendo, shortly after he went missing. I had never met his mother or family, but this child touched my heart. When I saw his picture, his eyes spoke to my soul. I reached out to people about him; no one who knows me would ever be able to say…I didn’t know she felt that way. I was very vocal about him. When I learned of his death, it made my heart heavy.

I had someone very close to me, who had autism. He had many difficulties living, in “the real world”. Much like Avonte, he had eyes that spoke to your soul. You couldn’t help but to love him. His life was also cut short.

I cannot imagine the sheer hell that these mothers must have gone through. Not only because of losing a child, but how their lives had been molded around the protection and nurturing of these children. What are they to do now?

We are at an advantage, we can turn off the news. But when I searched Avonte’s name, I found no known cause of death and no article written past January. While we can just move along…as the world keeps on spinning; Avonte’s mom must try and make sense out of this.

My prayers are with her. If I could tell her anything I would say; I saw the light in his eyes too. I saw the wonder and love that you bathed him in, every day of his life. And even though he was unable to verbally communicate; your heart connected with his. I believe whole-heartedly that the love you instilled within him…remained with him throughout his stay with us here. And while I am certain that this may not ease your pain right now…I pray that your journey through this grief…is built on the grace and mercy of a most loving Creator.

I am saddened when I think of how brief Avonte’s life was…but my heart cannot help but to shine…knowing that angels are singing more loudly and Heaven became a much brighter place…all for the love of Avonte.

The Light Of The World


The Light Of The World

 

The world was created from an incredible source of LOVE. We are even told in the Bible that God said…”Let there be LIGHT”. We are reminded throughout the ages that LIGHT is LOVE. Light warms our bodies and makes our souls feel refreshed and new again. We are again reminded about this great love when it is stated: “He so loved the world that HE gave His only begotten son”.

Can you imagine a greater display of love? Our source tells us that He was willing to take his only son…where he was safe from the hands of anything unholy, and give him as a gift of love.

Why do I mention this? After all I have taken two very famous lines of scripture, surely we would not need to be reminded of them.

Somehow the fact that we were bathed in love from the very start has eluded us. We have found reasons, or created them, to not love or be loving toward one another.

Human beings are the only beings, on this planet, who create boundaries which tell us that someone or something is being loved too much.

We will tell young parents not to coddle their children. We will say that too much hugging and holding makes a child spoiled. And while we must also encourage our children to love themselves…let us not use this as an excuse for breeding indifference.

Just before a child is conceived, it has been coddled, held, hugged, kissed…surrounded in the purest form of love. Why does a child cry when it is born? It cries because instantly it knows how cold the world truly is. This baby is not crying because it needs or wants to be spoiled…but because it is searching for the love it was created from. You will notice that throughout this child’s life, it is constantly seeking that Divine Love. The kind of love that says I will never love you less and you will never feel alone or abandoned. But I have seen parents, men and women alike, pushing their children away…for their own good. “You are a big boy/girl don’t cry”. We will rush away from our children’s bedrooms claiming that we don’t have time for one more story. What are we rushing toward? What is the urgent thing that simply cannot wait one more moment?

Even the animal kingdom has more compassion than most human beings display. I have watched different species of animals take in babies that are their natural enemies…to simply display compassion and love. A mother wolf, for instance, never snaps or growls at her young when they are crying. Instead she will pull the pup to her and cuddle with it, until the pup feels so safe and secure that the crying stops.

I have watched a bear cub climb up a pine tree; and when he gets to the point where he is afraid to move upward or down…he will literally cry for his mother. The first time I heard this, I smiled; because it really sounds like he is saying “Mom”. The mother bear who is too large to climb up the tree after her cub, will wait at the bottom of the tree. She knows that either the branch will give way or the cub will become too weak to hold on. She will wait and watch. When she hears the sounds of either outcome…she will be there for the cub. Such patience is something that we could all learn from.

What if we started looking at life differently? What if we realized that the most important job, task, or path that we had…was to be that loving and patient mother or father? What if we hurried the world along, as we push our children along? That conversation which our child feels is the most important thing in the world…is just that. Are they just words…no. What if I told you that the story that your child simply must tell you…a million times over…was really something you needed to know?

The lessons in life that are intended for us, usually come wrapped in such a way that they can be easily over looked. Our children, don’t forget, have yet to experience the world and how cold and cruel it can be. Unfortunately, this harsh reality is usually not found any further than our own homes. How many times have you hurt your children’s feelings and not given it a second thought? We will somehow minimize the experience; almost rationalizing the idea that our child will just have to understand. Our day was hectic, the boss yelled at us, we have a deadline that we are having trouble meeting and we just don’t have time to use caution when talking to a child that talks all the time anyway.

Do you see how easily we justify…our actions?

Love is an endless source; yet we are quick to douse out that flame. We will ignore children that will speak to us out of nowhere. We will show a face of impatience, while shutting out anything the child is asking or telling us. While, yes, we are doing damage to that child; be also aware that we are damaging ourselves too.

Divine love has no criteria. It has no opposition…it simply is. It cannot be defined, as it defies all definition. It cannot be contained or withheld. It cannot be judged or ignored. Divine love is the constant flow of LIGHT from our HIGHEST SOURCE. It holds us up, even during times when we think we are standing alone. The beautiful thing about this level of love is that it doesn’t want credit.

Have you ever watched as a child rides a bicycle for the first time successfully? Do you remember the look on their face? The utter joy of them feeling that they did it all by themselves. What changed? The only reason a child is able to ride a bicycle all by themselves is because they decided to trust in a source that we grow to deny, as adults. Is there ever a grumbling from above when this child is screaming “I did it, I did it”! No. And the reason for that is simple…Divine love does not require the proverbial pat on the back. In fact, understand that a child is born with that kind of trust; it is us as adults that teach our children not to trust. “Be careful, you are going to fall”.

We are loved highly and every morning when we wake up, we are reminded of that love. Every moment that we have been gifted is precious. Children are not impositions…they are blessings. Too often we take that which was intended to enhance our lives and we cast them aside.

That child does not talk too much…we listen too little. That child isn’t crying for no reason…we just haven’t learned to understand what it needs. That child isn’t sad because they are unlovable…they are sad because we have failed to love them enough. Children do not act up because they are unruly…they act up, because they are the things in our lives …which we always put last.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Start tomorrow, better yet, start now…talk to your children. Talk to your nieces, nephews and their friends too. Listen to what they have to say; accept the gifts that they were sent here to bring. Take a moment and look at life through their very loving eyes…and remember back when your eyes…represented the LIGHT OF THE WORLD.

To My Husband


A letter to my husband Akir:

 

My dearest, my love, my life,

Sometimes we take those we hold the closest for granted. I don’t think it is something that anyone intends to do; certainly nothing that I would ever intentionally do. But all too often, we take precious moments with those we love the most and feel that we may have time to express this or that; and often that is a false sense of security. Time is a fallacy. The true measure of time is not held in minutes…but in moments. And often, we spend so many moments complaining about time…that the sands in our hour glass slip away. Tomorrow is not promised, as we have been shown…in the most painful ways.

I want to not allow another moment to go by with that thought in my mind.

I can remember the morning that I received the phone call about my sister; the first phone call saying that she wasn’t breathing. I jumped out of bed…knowing I had to go to her. I remember breathing heavily as I told you that I had to go to New York. It seemed like hours later, but in reality it was only about five minutes, before I would receive the second phone call stating that she was gone. You spoke cautiously, barely above a whisper…”are you okay?” I said the only thing that I knew to say…”I don’t know what ‘okay’ is anymore”. It still brings a lump to my throat when I think of those moments. The only thing that I could compare that moment to …was another monumental day. When the first plane hit the Twin Towers…I remember just absorbing what the news had told us; and then the second plane it. The breath was knocked out of a nation…and that was the same emotion that the second phone call had on me. I was blindsided. No one is ever really prepared for that moment.

When she died, I was left with a large gaping hole in my heart. How does a person find the strength to go on, when the one constant love in their life has been taken away? I felt like a large balloon that someone had poked a small hole in. Every day I felt my life slipping away. I cried more often than I even allowed you to know. I was drowning in memories and the thought that she and I would create no more.

You saved me. You listened and held me close to your heart. You made how I grieved okay. You made my heart ache less…because you never told me NOT to talk about her. Slowly, I began to live again. You made everything that I felt and thought…okay. You breathed love back into my badly battered heart. There is no way to repay that gift. And if you or I were to ever keep score of who did what for whom…you won the game that day.

These moments cannot be expressed and acknowledged enough. While it would probably be enough that you encouraged me to write about her; your love took you many steps further. You helped me find my smile and it hasn’t left me since.

I live with an illness that attempts to kill my body every day. I live with the fact that Lupus uses other health conditions to try and slow me down. I suffer with Sjogrens and I have had multiple strokes…due to how seriously Lupus tends to lead an attack on my body. And every single day you remind me that I am blessed. You encourage my spirit…and because you show up every day…I refuse to quit fighting. While I may receive kudos and pats on the back for being strong enough to endure Lupus, Cancer and Strokes…you are my unsung hero. You simply allow my heart to melt into yours…and the stars seem to shine more brightly again.

I think the thing that people always tend to forget is that without darkness…we would never know the light. We cannot measure good…unless we have experienced evil. We have to have a measure…by which to compare these precious moments. There are some obstacles that we are simply destined to overcome. If I hadn’t known darkness…I would have never have known the light…of your love. I am truly blessed.

There simply are no words that have ever been written or murmured that could ever express all that you are to me; but I will gladly search the rest of my life looking for them. You give me something to look up to. You make me want to be a better person.

Some may look at you and see a beautiful man; and while I cannot disagree…I see more. For when I look at you…I see God. A Creator who loved me so much; that my heart was given a “forever home”.

So while these thoughts may not find the words to tell you often enough…I thank you.

Thank you for being you…and for loving me without restrictions.

I love you…for more reasons than can be counted in a lifetime.

Thank you for the gift of this love…my husband…my friend…my partner…my life

 

All my love…forever…

Me

 

The Reason For The Season


The Reason For The Season

I think that sometimes we can get lost in the commercialization of things this time of year. The proof of that is everywhere we look. Every store or shop seems to have their own idea of how to make the season more festive and memorable than the year previous.
This year, however, has been a little rougher for me than most have been…which I believe is a test of my strength and willingness to submit to the will of our Creator. So I have sat and endured every Christmas cartoon known to man…I have watched store Santa’s posing with pictures of children who would rather be ducking and weaving in and out of a four lane highway. I have watched retailers attempt to make their sales and “bargains” look like what we might want Christmas to be. All of this, isn’t always a bad thing…it’s always nice to see the excitement of children and the hidden secrets that this particular holiday seems to bring.
This year was completely turned around for me…I was all ready to become “Scrooge”. And in my mind, I had reason to. Then something wonderful happened in my life…I experienced the love of God through the heart of my daughter.
First you must understand, she is a teenager…not unlike most teenagers. She wants things, and she knows that there will be things that no matter how much she wants them, or how much I wish I could get them for her…she just won’t receive them. But this brown eyed beauty decided that this year for Christmas she wanted to play Santa Claus for a child on her school’s “Angel Tree”. Keeping in mind that she knew that by us buying for another child meant that her lean Christmas list…just went on a diet. She didn’t care. I remember the day that she was talking to me about it…tears in her eyes. She just wanted to make a child happy for Christmas. And so we went shopping for this sweet 2 year old boy that she didn’t know and would never meet. We got him a few things…which she picked out. She went home and wrapped them and placed them in a giant gift bag and took them to school.
I can not even begin to express to you the joy that I felt through her at that moment. But I can only really think of one comparison which may assist in my lack of descriptive prose. Watching her was like the feeling I would get as a young child coming in from the cold. I would get to drink this giant coffee cup filled with creamy Hot Cocoa…you know the kind I mean…with the foam on the top from the giant melted marshmallow that used to be there. When you drank it, it was like your body was literally thawing out. There were parts of my body that were coming to life that I didn’t even realize were frozen.
My daughter became that for me…a sweet, warm, smiling example of that chocolaty goodness. And the real magic was…she made everyone feel that way. We all laughed and sang songs and smiled at everyone today.
All of this made me think about the saying…the reason for the season; it was like a light bulb came on. The reason for the season…is to give to others that in which we are given. It isn’t about video games or wish lists. It is about reflecting the love that God has given us…and sharing it with everyone else.
It may be true that we don’t have as much as the next person, but what we have is intended to be shared. I always try to remind others of our blessings, because we can get caught up in what we don’t have and we forget what we do have. We may not have tons of presents under the tree, and as true as that is…there will be people who do not have a home to put a tree in…never mind the presents underneath. We may not have a huge Christmas feast, but there are people who will not have food to eat on Christmas at all…or any other day. We will miss those we lost this year and our hearts may weep for them…but there are people who will spend this holiday all alone. Can you imagine living on this huge planet and feeling like you are all alone?
Today my daughter warmed our hearts…by simply opening hers. I hope it is an example that is set not in vain. Reach out for someone today, touch their hearts and don’t be afraid to warm their souls. God only asks that we give to others what HE has given to us…HIS LOVE. It costs nothing to love one another. If the only present you give to someone is your time…it is time well spent. Shine on one another…the reflection is that of our Creator.

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