Tag Archive: Black History Month

The War On Men

The War On Men


There is an obvious war going on against men; and the common ammunition that is being used is the degradation of women.

Somehow we have gotten off course, men and women. We spend all of our time pointing fingers and placing blame on one another…and yet seem to have NO clue, as to why our families are broken.

We, as women, can get caught up in the whole, I will never submit to a man, mentality…since we are constantly at war with man.

As women we MUST try and understand and appreciate that there is no weaker sex. We do not have to feel like or be prompted to believe that we have to compete against or with him…at anything. There is no weaker sex…we are physically, emotionally and spiritually different. We have been given different roles. And if it is the roles that are causing the problems…perhaps it is self-loathing that we are talking about and not about men.

Men cannot carry or give birth to a baby. This is one of the most difficult tasks in the natural world to perform. Yet, a woman is the only human that can carry out this task…successfully. Where is the competition? Why is there a need….that has been CREATED in us…to feel like we have to compete?

Man may have a vision for his life, but let there be no mistake…woman makes that possible.

She is the empathetic voice in his ear.

She is the curve of his strong spine.

She is the look he gets in his eyes…when his heart feels full.

We should be less concerned about submitting or being less than a man is…and be content with who we are…REALLY. Let’s not forget, our husbands, and fathers are our guardians and protectors. But the women have the daunting task of being the foundation, from which all successes will be based upon. Woman will teach your children the same lessons that their father will, but from a different angled lens. Fathers may pull out the old “Man Play Book”; but your mom will pull you close to her. She will look into your eyes and through your conversation…she will speak directly to your soul. In harmony, your parents are giving you free will. You could choose your fathers way or your mother’s advice…but really they want you to find your own way. This is what a real family looks like. They are not calling one another by inconsiderate and insulting names. They are looking at one another with care and concern…after all our children are watching us. A family is a unit, it moves and flows together…as one. The problem as I am seeing it is this: we are choosing our partners without asking probing questions…about life, love, spirituality…and a TRUE understanding about who each one is…I mean who they REALLY are. We get so caught up in the thought or idea of finally not being alone…that we give little concern as to WHO…we are no longer being alone…with.

We are human so we make mistakes…and while that is a part of our growth; it is also important to learn from that mistake or error in judgment. We can hardly blame another person for simply being who they are. And as the poet, Maya Angelou tells us, “when someone tells you who they are…believe them.”

In all conversations, I have been a part of, when it comes to degrading women…very rarely do you see anyone taking responsibility. We may get mad at the rap video industry for displaying women, half-dressed. But rarely do we place responsibility on the women who are willfully participating in these videos. It is, in my eyes, difficult to place blame on a man for making that video…when there are women still willing to hold their hands out for that paycheck.

At times we may be made to feel like we are being short changed…but that is only because …as stated earlier, that we are in an invisible competition. It is NOT you against HIM…but there has been a very clear establishment that has helped to create this thought in our minds…especially with women of color. We have all been conditioned…but it isn’t too late to open our eyes.

We must put an end to this war on men…because let us remember that it is also a war on our sons. It is a cycle of hate …and we are in the unique position to change it. Men are not the enemy, but the reality is we do not usually speak the same language.

Often sex to men…just means he got sex…whereas sex to a woman can often mean there is something deeper than what he is saying. And it COULD be that; but not always. When men have sex with women, too often we are speaking a foreign language.

We must think about what he is CLEARLY saying…as opposed to what we THINK he means. We must take time and consideration when we are judging the intentions of others. Truthfully, his only intention may be…to just have sex. But we cannot run away from these types of conversations; just because they may be painful or out of some fear of having our hearts broken.

Often we are in love with the IDEA of being in love. After all, the phrase is falling in love WITH someone. Which means you are in it WITH someone. You cannot be in love WITH someone…alone.

There is a war on man…and the family unit as a whole. After all, if he fails…we all fail. And at this juncture in life, can we afford to keep doing the same things and hoping for a different outcome? Why fly blindly, when the vision is so clear.

We cannot continually keep telling ourselves that there will be a perfect time to tell him all he needs to know. There will never be a perfect time to tell her the things you haven’t found the courage to tell her,

The perfect time is an illusion. Sharing your life with someone is risky. So it really comes down to how much you care about that person and that relationship.

And keep this in the back of your mind: if he/she is unable to understand what you are going through, perhaps they aren’t the right one for you. OR, perhaps you just dropped that BOMB on her/him, and they are just needing time to absorb and organize the thoughts.

Either way we are talking about patience, consideration, and divine love.

Hate Ends Here

Hate Ends Here


  February is Black History Month; and while I do intend on writing some pieces on the fabulous people of color in our great world, today I am choosing to write on something which I consider to be an epidemic…Indifference.

  Now many will say, and recently I have read the disgruntled statements made about specific groups having holidays, websites, awards shows, television channels etc. And while these statements were made to create hate and chaos amongst the masses…I found it to be a perfect platform for what I know to be true about the world that we live in and the capability of mankind.

  As human beings we waste so much precious time. We waste time separating ourselves from other human beings. Perhaps we do it because we have some need to want to feel more important; as children we all know how much better we feel if people are making a fuss over us. And it is only unfortunate that over the years we have come to realize that often when we are degrading or demoralizing another person…it is meant only to make us look shiny and new. Here in lies the problem, we aren’t shiny and new.

  When we are attacking and trying to lessen the significance of another person or being…we are only fueling an old fire. Racial bias, prejudice, misanthropy, religious persecutions…are real problems that we have been facing for centuries. Isn’t it sad to know that for hundreds of years we have been stuck in the same place? We have been fighting a tog of war against ourselves and wondering why we aren’t advancing. When we set aside the hearts and souls of those around us…we become indifferent to the plight of mankind.

  When we have to set a side a specific month to bring the focus on a particular group of people…it is only due to the fact that they have been overlooked in the world, at large. We should never have to search for how much a certain race or culture has added to our existence…as long as we include those beings in our daily acknowledgements of who brought us to where we are today. For example if all cultures of this country were equally represented in out public school curriculum then we may feel more balanced, over all.

  But the painful truth is…we do segregate ourselves from those not exactly like us. We will find reasons to diminish the contributions that people of other races…religions…sexes or cultures have brought to our daily lives. We have gotten so frigid and cold that we don’t realize that we are doing it; until someone from a minority group points it out. Then we will use our only defense and say…he/she is an angry man/woman. That is when the gloves come on and it becomes a slapping contest. We will all try and diminish the accomplishments of one another in an attempt to make us feel better about ourselves.

  We are ALL human beings…of one race. And given the way our paths are going we are not far from extinction. We have become destructive to each other and to ourselves. We find reasons to declare war on each other…as if we are the voice of truth and reason.

  Our Creator has high expectations of us all. I know, at times, it can seem difficult to fulfill such a tall order and we can become overwhelmed. But we need not feel that it is out of the realm of what we are capable of. We are supposed to be able to love and lean on one another. And if it feels strange and unusual to love so easily…it is only because we may be out of practice and quite possibly we are in worse shape than I am even relaying to you now.

  Let us show our children the way to God. They are depending on us to lead by example…so they can do the same for their children. Lift up one another. When we do that instead of tearing down one another, you can feel the change in the air. We start transferring good loving thoughts and energy to those around us. Let the cycle of life be a productive and prosperous one. Plant a seed of hope for someone who has feels lost…it’s like giving a road map of life to a person who has been driving around in circles.

  Search deep within you for the compliment that you are hoping someone will say to you…and give it to someone else. Transfer sunshine through your smile; show the world that starting with you…the hate ends here.


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