Tag Archive: disease

The Hardest Things

The Hardest Things


I think one of the hardest things that I ever have done; was to share my real life with you. It can be a frightening thing…to be who you really are…with people you don’t really know.

And truthfully, I have no way to know who will try and cause me harm. But what I do know is this…it is worth the risk. Reaching out to each and every one of you, is worth the risk that I may be wrong.

The most important lesson I have ever learned…is that it is better to love…always. For when your soul, your being, is filled with love…there is no way to lose.

You all have supported and loved me…as long as I have been writing here. And today I wanted to share something new.

Today I have no stitches in need of healing, no tubes coming out of my body, I am no longer using a walker, I am not reaching for a pain pill…today is what made all those days…worthwhile. Days like today…are my reason for waking up every day. And I wanted to share this drama free day with you…so you will know…there is always hope.

I was diagnosed with cancer, diabetes, and Lupus. I have suffered 4 strokes and multiple mini strokes or TIA’s. I have been placed on life support….with my doctors telling my family that after 2 months in a coma…there was no hope of a recovery. YET….I am still here. If I can beat unspeakable odds…can’t we all? Can’t we all be that smile which lights up the universe? Can’t we all give our children our hopes and dreams…without splashing water on their flames?

Never give up on life; it hasn’t given up on you. Sometimes what happens is so simple…we have our own ideas about what life should be about and what we want for ourselves. I ask this of you, allow the energy to guide you. We, often, get so wrapped up in what we want for ourselves…that we do not consider what the universe wants for us.

Don’t be disappointed when life turns out slightly different than what you had planned on. Instead, embrace all of your struggles and challenges. I know some of them are more difficult than others, but know that you still have what it takes to WIN!!

Today I am thankful for all of my medical woes from November 2014…because today…I have no fever, only slight pain, and I am not having to do any superficial healing. I only say this, because our bodies, souls, our hearts are always healing. For all the pain that I have known since last fall, today I am thankful.

I am thankful for all that you all are and all those that you reach out to. I am thankful for my first and last breath of the day. I am thankful to have a most supportive family…and such a beautiful collection of wonderful friends…which we consider family.

As you are closing out your week, give thanks for the unexpected smile you came across …and shine that light upon someone else. While sharing with others can seem to be the hardest thing in the world to do…I promise…it is worth the effort.


I love you

Embrace All Things

Embrace All Things


When I was diagnosed with Lupus, SLE, my entire world changed. This disease affects everyone differently…this is how it affected me.


The sun seemed to shine brighter.

The stars sparkled like diamonds.

The feathers on the birds in my neighborhood seemed more vibrant.

The sound of children’s laughter, in the park, made me laugh til I cried.

I held my family closer.

I said I love you…all the time.


During a time when no one would have said that I was wrong…to be bitter and angry; I selected a different path. I chose to take this circumstance and allow it to make me more aware of my surroundings. This devastating illness was trying to steal my life…and I knew that even if it won…my livelihood would be non-existent. I was determined not to fail. And in that moment I decided to start appreciating the little things and make Lupus have to fight for this body of mine.

We all get to choose how we live. Are we stopping to smell the flowers along the way? Are we mindful of our journey or are we just concentrating on the destination? Once my eyes were open to this beautiful world; I realized that I had been sleep walking through life. I had a new appreciation for this world. I felt like I had been given a huge gift…and I wasn’t going to waste a moment of it. I began smelling those flowers and praising the bees that help those flowers grow. I began singing in rain showers and even when a thunderstorm erupted….I praised that, as well; embracing the colors and sounds of the lightning and thunder.

In all of our lives we are faced with struggles, no matter how large or small they may be; be it grief, illness, homelessness, poverty or divorce. These are what I call “eye openers”. And the truth that I learned is this: What opens your eyes is less important than the fact that now your eyes are wide open.

We can now see more clearly. We can take the time to reclaim the joy that was always meant for us…in this life. But we must first try and let go of the circumstances or situations that brought us here. When we hold onto pain, such as this, we are holding ourselves back from victory.

The most difficult lesson we may ever learn is to be thankful and loving in all situations.

Remember we are not part of the bigger picture…we are the bigger picture. This is not referring to the ego…but to the ALL of everything. This prevents us from placing ourselves above or under anyone or anything else; because we are walking through this life together.

Once we begin to recognize that we are not part of the universe…but we ARE the universe; we will see life differently. Life doesn’t happen TO us…it happens WITH us. If we can allow ourselves to find joy in all circumstances, then we can find our truer purpose in life.

I could easily be angry with Lupus. I could cry all the time; as the pain I live with is often unbearable, but I bear it. This illness and several other obstacles have since tried to derail me; but I continue being thankful. I have learned to embrace all things.


Love Drops

Love Drops

I got the news today

A Lupus Warrior gone home

But she left her footprints

Showing…we are never alone

Tears filled my eyes

My heart it grew heavy

But like most Angels

HE called…she was ready

She walked those glorious stairs

She was relieved from her pain

She found her beautiful smile

Never to leave her again

Lupus may think that it won

That it did her great harm

But the truth is she

Is wrapped in HIS loving arms

We will miss you sweet Angel

But we smile in the KNOW

You are with a Creator

Who always loved you so

So if you catch our tears falling

Realize our connection never stops

It’s not crying we are doing

But sharing God’s LOVE DROPS

**A Lupus Warrior went HOME today…Where only the brightest lights belong**


Spoon Talk

Spoon Talk

What is this spoon talk

Amongst Lupus heroes

They symbolize our energy

How fast it can go

You need one to get up

But don’t be too fast

For one spoon opens your eyes

That’s how long a spoon lasts

Throughout the day you have

Limited spoons to use

By mid day you are

Running on a short  fuse

Who would have thought

A conversation would take

So much energy…a spoon

Concessions we must make

Oh and the smiles

They are deceptive too

But she doesn’t want

This to be a burden to you

So she smiles and laughs

While spoons are being spent

Until she realizes that

Her energy…it went

I guess if fatigue was

The extent of this disease

It would be a cake walk

Like a soft blowing breeze

But there is the pain and swelling

There are the organs shutting down

There are the tears she sheds

When no one else is around

There is the knowledge that

Lupus tends to create

Pain, bruising, swelling

The rashes, fatigue…the aches

Its amazing exactly how much

One shining smile can hide

Fear of the unknown

Lupus is a frightening ride

She gives a spoon for this

And a spoon for that

It may get you going

But how do you get back

Every idea you have

Every motion you make

Every attempt at normalcy

Is ALL lupus takes

So I am sharing with you

On this unspecific day

Be aware that this disease

Wants to kill all in its way

So my prayers are lifted up

And my heart it breaks

I know your struggles

How your strength breaks

Lupus and spoons

One day will be done

Keep hope in your hearts

This war will be won

I am sending you a smile

Healing energy and joy

For those days when

Your life feels a void

From my heart to yours

Til we fear the spoon no more

I wish you love and joy

Make memories galore


Some may say I am broken
That I am missing out
That my adversity in life
Brought negativity about

Maybe they will remark
I am scarred by disease
Riddled with the idea that
This pain may not ever cease

I could live with the diagnosis
My life may be brief
Many hospital visits
Loved ones living in grief

But to that I must answer
The only thing to be true
I give every  day to my Creator
So everyday is made  new

Every moment is precious
A new sunrise is unique
The moments you take for granted
Now give me great relief

For instead of seeing hardship
Or a broken part of me
I see love made from greatness
A road map of Creativity

Every crack every crevice
Of this life I struggle through
Makes me uniquely who I am
Doing what I am supposed to do

What you may see as altered
Imperfection or the like
Is exactly as it should be
Filled with my Creator’s light

Don’t bother trying to mend me
For broken I’ve never been
Only filled with His will
And Greatness He has seen

Once we stop trying to fix
What God envisioned in the beginning
We will find true love and peace
And can get back to living



Yes I have a story
And while not easy to tell
It must be told for
It describes living Hell

I know true agony
I know pain and fear
I have had hopes squashed
Real evil has been near

I have lived with terror
I have felt real horror
But I stand here now
For I am…a Warrior

I am a child of a Creator
Who knows no limit or bound
I have no know knowledge of mans
Ideals…laughing at his so called grounds

I have known illness true
It has stolen my breath
But never…never my spirit
I will fight til the death

I may be weakened some
My resistence faltered about
But my strength comes from a Source
Of that I have no doubt

Try my body and my mind
As God said that you may
But I won’t volunteer my soul
Never…not today

While adversity tests me…yes
I answer with a loving smile
For I stand with and beside
My Father…as His Child

So while I yes I have been tested
In fact knocking on deaths door
Adversity should fear my strength
For I am…I am….a Warrior

Love Thy Neighbor

  Today is WORLD AIDS AWARENESS DAY. It is sad to have to be made aware that this global problem has reached such epic heights that we have a day designated to shine light on this problem.

  In the United States 50,000 new HIV/AIDS cases are diagnosed every day. Yet while that staggering number continues to climb…our State and Federal governments choose to decrease funding…on this specific issue. This is a distressing truth. This figure is disturbing…but not half as alarming as the government making budget cuts in an area that is claiming the lives of 46-49 lives…in the United States alone…every single day.

  The stigma attached to this virus is baffling. There are actually people who still believe that HIV/AIDS only affects those in the homosexual or drug communities. However, regardless of that idea…it simply is not true.

  Let me not hesitate to begin by stating the obvious. No one, regardless of sexual orientation, socioeconomic background, race, religion, creed…or any other diversification…deserves to have their lives turned upside down by not only the illness of HIV/AIDS…but the stereotypical judgement by others. This disease does not discriminate. It affects men, women and children from all walks of life.

  We must begin the healing process by stepping above the limited thinking of our fellow man. Stereotyping people is a huge miscarriage of justice. There is no single characteristic that any one person has that can tell us everything that we need to know. And as long as we convince ourselves that it is an “us” against “them” situation…we are missing the lesson. The true reality of HIV/AIDS is that it could and probably will touch someone that we know and love. In a more raw truth, the chances of someone we are in contact with contracting and being diagnosed with this disease before the year is over…is quite possible.

  At this juncture, I am not concerned about where it started or who contracted it first.  When we spend time worrying about that…it only causes the finger to be pointed at people who are already dealing with enough. Our entire country has been infected with either the disease itself…or the stigma attached to it. This is a global epidemic.

  We must be smart. There are precautions that we all can take. We must use condoms, because sadly, there are husbands and wives who contract the disease through their spouses. We can not share needles, it is too dangerous. Ideally,  I would tell you to only have sex with your spouse…or at least with someone whose medical history you are aware of.  I would also say…just don’t use drugs. However, I realize that even it would be the safest thing…many won’t comply. So, I am asking you to please not walk through life blindly. Do not play Russian roulette with the life of you or anyone else. Get tested, and encourage other friends to get tested…knowledge is power. People that “appear” clean…can still be infected; life is short…lets not continue stacking the odds against ourselves. It is estimated that 17,000-18,000 United State’s citizens die every year dye to HIV/AIDS…that means that 46-49 people in the United States alone.

  In the meantime, I’m going to remind you to love each other. Show our fellow man that we that we value  him. Give love with everything that you say and do. Never encourage the hype that anyone deserves this, often, terminal disease. No one deserves to have there lives cut short in this manner.

  Today is WORLD AIDS AWARENESS DAY. Support those who have been forced to live with this life altering illness every day. Wear a red ribbon supporting our brothers and sisters. If you don’t have enough answers to your questions…ask. Love thy neighbor…simply by not casting him aside…it is the very least that we can do.

~~ From my heart to yours

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