Tag Archive: gratitude


To My Sister


To My Sister

 

 

I was thinking about the day the Doctor told me I had Cervical Cancer.

The ground shifted under my feet; did she say Cancer? No, there must be a mistake. I just went in for a checkup a few days before…life was normal. Did she say cancer? No, she has me confused with someone else. Things like this don’t happen to me.

I must have looked at her like she was speaking in a foreign language, because she just looked back and didn’t utter a word. I felt her touch the top of my hand…I snatched it back, as if she sent an electric charge through my skin.

No, don’t console me. She was wrong. Do I look like a cancer patient? No. I do everything right. I am kind to people. I watch what I eat. I exercise. I pray. Things like this aren’t supposed to happen to people like me. I kept muttering to myself…what did I do wrong? I spoke a little too loudly. She responded as if I were asking her the question. She said there is often no explanation as to what causes a woman to start producing cancerous cells. Did she say cancer, again? I shook my head in disbelief…will someone make her stop saying that?

She asked if someone was with me, because we needed to discuss treatments.

Of course no one was with me…this was just a checkup, I thought to myself. Treatment, did she say treatment? Ummm, how do we get rid of it? I asked softly.

She smiled. “Why was she smiling?”

There is no cure for cervical cancer. No cure?

Okay, yeah, I knew that. Breathe…don’t forget to breathe. Do not pass out. I asked her, “Why do I have Cancer”? She gave me the generic, “there is no way to know why exactly”. She went on about genetics, diet, and other contributing factors, but wrapped it up by telling me that it may be none of the above. Why did I ask dumb questions? I knew all of this.

“Wait, am I going to die?” I almost couldn’t see her expression, blinking through my own tears. We are going to try and get it under control before we have to think about that.

Try? Breathe…don’t forget to breathe, Wait, don’t breathe too hard…you are going to start hyperventilating. It’s going to be okay, but you have to get a grip on your emotions, right now.

She started telling me that she wanted to try and freeze the cells…but the disease was too progressive. We have to do a biopsy; to see exactly what we are dealing with. My mind started spinning. How did I get to this place?

Two weeks before, I was in a car accident. For the most part, all of my injuries seemed superficial. My face was severely bruised, so much so, that on my first doctor’s visit; the nurse asked me if I was a domestic violence victim. Both of my eyes were black and blue. My face was swollen, and my lip was cut open, too. There were bruises on my thighs, ribs, and across both of my breasts.

It was the bruising on my breasts, which prompted me to visit my OB/GYN. I wanted make sure there were no lumps or anything like that since I hit the dashboard so hard.

The Doctor asked me if I wanted a pap smear while I was there. I can recall thinking, no. But for whatever reason, I said yes.

Two weeks later, there I was…living with cancer. My doctor said there was no telling how long I had actually had it. She said it could have been dormant in my system for a while, and the accident could have jarred something in me…causing it to spread.

How could I go home and explain everything that my doctor just told me? I had Cancer. I kept saying it over and over again as I got in the car. I thought if I said it enough, by the time I got home, I would be able to say it without crying.

I decided, instead of going straight home, I would go to see you. I needed a safe place to go, where I could fall apart…just for a minute. I just needed a minute. I kept praying all the way to your apartment…please, God…let me have this one minute.

I barely remember you answering the door. I just remember falling into you. You were confused. You kept touching my face, looking for a new injury. You were talking so fast that I couldn’t answer you. My mouth wouldn’t move. Finally, I told you that my doctor said that I had Cervical Cancer, and I just fell apart.

You kept saying NO…over and over again. You were crying so hard; I could no longer determine who was consoling whom. I told you that unless the treatments worked, before it started spreading further, I might die. Somehow, you mustered up all of this strength and told me that was NOT going to happen.

You were an angel to me in that moment. You went with me to tell mom. It was no longer me having Cancer, but us having it. During the entire ordeal, your faith and strength never wavered; you continued to be the glue that kept me together.

You were my anchor during every pivotal moment in my life. You encouraged me, laughed with me, and let me lean on you.

And then there was silence.

I don’t think I ever thanked you enough. I don’t think I ever told you I loved you…enough. I will regret that for the rest of my life. I will regret everything we didn’t do, and all things we didn’t get a chance to say.

I love you…and I know you are living pain free so I know I must sound selfish…I am sorry.

I just miss you so much…

 

Love,

Me

 

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The Light Of The World


The Light Of The World

 

The world was created from an incredible source of LOVE. We are even told in the Bible that God said…”Let there be LIGHT”. We are reminded throughout the ages that LIGHT is LOVE. Light warms our bodies and makes our souls feel refreshed and new again. We are again reminded about this great love when it is stated: “He so loved the world that HE gave His only begotten son”.

Can you imagine a greater display of love? Our source tells us that He was willing to take his only son…where he was safe from the hands of anything unholy, and give him as a gift of love.

Why do I mention this? After all I have taken two very famous lines of scripture, surely we would not need to be reminded of them.

Somehow the fact that we were bathed in love from the very start has eluded us. We have found reasons, or created them, to not love or be loving toward one another.

Human beings are the only beings, on this planet, who create boundaries which tell us that someone or something is being loved too much.

We will tell young parents not to coddle their children. We will say that too much hugging and holding makes a child spoiled. And while we must also encourage our children to love themselves…let us not use this as an excuse for breeding indifference.

Just before a child is conceived, it has been coddled, held, hugged, kissed…surrounded in the purest form of love. Why does a child cry when it is born? It cries because instantly it knows how cold the world truly is. This baby is not crying because it needs or wants to be spoiled…but because it is searching for the love it was created from. You will notice that throughout this child’s life, it is constantly seeking that Divine Love. The kind of love that says I will never love you less and you will never feel alone or abandoned. But I have seen parents, men and women alike, pushing their children away…for their own good. “You are a big boy/girl don’t cry”. We will rush away from our children’s bedrooms claiming that we don’t have time for one more story. What are we rushing toward? What is the urgent thing that simply cannot wait one more moment?

Even the animal kingdom has more compassion than most human beings display. I have watched different species of animals take in babies that are their natural enemies…to simply display compassion and love. A mother wolf, for instance, never snaps or growls at her young when they are crying. Instead she will pull the pup to her and cuddle with it, until the pup feels so safe and secure that the crying stops.

I have watched a bear cub climb up a pine tree; and when he gets to the point where he is afraid to move upward or down…he will literally cry for his mother. The first time I heard this, I smiled; because it really sounds like he is saying “Mom”. The mother bear who is too large to climb up the tree after her cub, will wait at the bottom of the tree. She knows that either the branch will give way or the cub will become too weak to hold on. She will wait and watch. When she hears the sounds of either outcome…she will be there for the cub. Such patience is something that we could all learn from.

What if we started looking at life differently? What if we realized that the most important job, task, or path that we had…was to be that loving and patient mother or father? What if we hurried the world along, as we push our children along? That conversation which our child feels is the most important thing in the world…is just that. Are they just words…no. What if I told you that the story that your child simply must tell you…a million times over…was really something you needed to know?

The lessons in life that are intended for us, usually come wrapped in such a way that they can be easily over looked. Our children, don’t forget, have yet to experience the world and how cold and cruel it can be. Unfortunately, this harsh reality is usually not found any further than our own homes. How many times have you hurt your children’s feelings and not given it a second thought? We will somehow minimize the experience; almost rationalizing the idea that our child will just have to understand. Our day was hectic, the boss yelled at us, we have a deadline that we are having trouble meeting and we just don’t have time to use caution when talking to a child that talks all the time anyway.

Do you see how easily we justify…our actions?

Love is an endless source; yet we are quick to douse out that flame. We will ignore children that will speak to us out of nowhere. We will show a face of impatience, while shutting out anything the child is asking or telling us. While, yes, we are doing damage to that child; be also aware that we are damaging ourselves too.

Divine love has no criteria. It has no opposition…it simply is. It cannot be defined, as it defies all definition. It cannot be contained or withheld. It cannot be judged or ignored. Divine love is the constant flow of LIGHT from our HIGHEST SOURCE. It holds us up, even during times when we think we are standing alone. The beautiful thing about this level of love is that it doesn’t want credit.

Have you ever watched as a child rides a bicycle for the first time successfully? Do you remember the look on their face? The utter joy of them feeling that they did it all by themselves. What changed? The only reason a child is able to ride a bicycle all by themselves is because they decided to trust in a source that we grow to deny, as adults. Is there ever a grumbling from above when this child is screaming “I did it, I did it”! No. And the reason for that is simple…Divine love does not require the proverbial pat on the back. In fact, understand that a child is born with that kind of trust; it is us as adults that teach our children not to trust. “Be careful, you are going to fall”.

We are loved highly and every morning when we wake up, we are reminded of that love. Every moment that we have been gifted is precious. Children are not impositions…they are blessings. Too often we take that which was intended to enhance our lives and we cast them aside.

That child does not talk too much…we listen too little. That child isn’t crying for no reason…we just haven’t learned to understand what it needs. That child isn’t sad because they are unlovable…they are sad because we have failed to love them enough. Children do not act up because they are unruly…they act up, because they are the things in our lives …which we always put last.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Start tomorrow, better yet, start now…talk to your children. Talk to your nieces, nephews and their friends too. Listen to what they have to say; accept the gifts that they were sent here to bring. Take a moment and look at life through their very loving eyes…and remember back when your eyes…represented the LIGHT OF THE WORLD.


Thankful Everyday

I huffed in aggrevation
So fed up with my life so far
Maybe people have it worse
Can’t imagine who they are

I sat down on a bench
Along a city dog park
I don’t mind animals
If they didn’t have to bark

There was a man along side of me
He smiled as he sang a tune
I snapped why are you singing
He said the song is for me…my smile is for you

Keep your smile to yourself
I shot backat the nice enough gent
My day has been lousy
My tolerence is spent

But he continued his song
For some reason is was grated
He smiled and added
It’s why I was created

Another creation talk
That’s just what I need
I don’t have time for that
I’m a different breed

That’s what most say he added
Perspective is how we connect
It’s about finding something
You may not expect

What happened to your day
Hope you don’t mind that I ask
But maybe it would help
You need to relax

I shouted…you don’t know me
Don’t pretend that you do
I’m sick of this life
And I’m getting sicker of you

Now…I don’t know what
Made me scream at him so
But he took a deep breath
And slowly let it go

Do you hear that dog barking
He went onward to say
It may seem bothersome
But it’s how he sounds when he plays

He’s not angry about the fact
He walks on all fours
He just knows he feels love
In fact probably wants more

He went on…I love this sky
So beautiful in this way
I interjected the sun isn’t out
The skies are an ugly gray

He laughed at my remark
Oh…you are one of those types
Everything has its place
All must be…just right

Then his voice it got softer
I almost a whisper I found
It felt kind of strange
I started looking around

Let me tell you a secret he said
With not so much finesse
You think you have it bad
But people are happy with less

Be thankful for your gifts
But before he got to finish
I said you don’t know my probllems
I have a long long list

I’m sure you do he replied
Most who have…do
We could all create that list
I could make one too

But would it really matter
When all is said and through
Would it make you happy if I
Was as bitter as you

The truth my dear child
He said as he stood up
There have been times when I
Thought I had enough

Then he unfolded a stick
Dark glasses he put on his face
I hadn’t remembered feeling so bad
I felt so out of place

He looked and still smiled
I haven’t seen in a while
I developed a strange illness
When I was just a child

Problems you may have….it’s true
I know why you feel that way
But give thanks because you
Woke up again today

You saw the sun rise
Can probably watch it set
But if I was bitter about that
What would I really get

So instead I sing a song
And smile to places unknown
In hopes my Creator will be pleased
For compassion i have shown

So next time you start complaining
About this and/or that
Forget what you want
Be thankful for what you have

Peace and blessings he said
He meant it from the top
I wish you much love and joy
I swear i never forgot

I hope you enjoted my story
Of how God always finds a way
To remind us in all things
To be thankful everday

Happy Daddy’s Day


Happy Daddy’s Day

This is not for the father’s

Only for Daddy’s one and all

If you do not know the difference

It is not one that is small

Daddy’s are the ones who

Will never go far away

They put their families first

Actually make time to play

Daddy’s set by example who

Their sons should aim to be

They teach their daughter’s respect

Family is more than responsibility

Daddy’s not father’s…remember

Those important school events

Never leaving a child to wonder

Where their Daddy went

Daddy’s never let a tear dry

When it falls down his child’s cheek

They teach girls it’s ok to be strong

And boy’s its okay to feel weak

Daddy’s love their children

And tell them every single day

They don’t leave their children

To wonder why Daddy went away

So to you REAL Daddy’s out there

A huge thank you from us all

You have made us feel great

Even when we were very small

So Happy Daddy’s Day to you

You are a dying breed

But today we will celebrate

You are a hero indeed

Happy Mother’s Day


Happy Mother’s Day

Being a mother has been

My biggest blessing

It’s my gift from God

My reason for being

Watching children grow

Is like watching a smile form

Furthering the knowledge

Of why I was born

I couldn’t imagine my life

Absent of my child

For the love of her

Makes life worthwhile

That million dollar smile

Which always kept me going

Lit up my empty life

She not even knowing

I’m humbled forever

By the joy in her face

Further proof of

My Savior’s grace

If you are a mother then

You know what I am saying

Its instant gratification

In watching them playing

Whoever would have thought

Life’s biggest reward

Would be wrapped in

The sweetest voice ever heard

But you won’t hear me complain

About the time which I’ve spent

It’s like having a ring side seat

At every life altering event

God must love me deeper

Than I ever realized

By allowing me the privilege

To gaze into those eyes

So to my fellow mother’s

I wanted to acknowledge your duty

By recognizing it for what it is

A thing of real beauty

You have filled those young minds

Embraced hearts that have grown

Given God’s grace and love

With every kiss you have thrown

Every nurturing embrace

Said so much more than you knew

It healed every time you gave

That external I Love You

I thank you and thank God

For leading me to my way

I love you now and forever

Happy Mother’s Day

Easy As ABC…or is it?


I would like to thank Michael of Http://jamesdez.wordpress.com  for the ABC Award. It is always wonderful to be recognized by a fellow blogger and Michael has beautiful blog himself and I do hope that each of you get the chance to read it. Michael, thank you for following my blog and taking the time to not only read but to comment, as well.

 

Much to my surprise, I have found the most supportive and loving people here at WordPress. I have been entertained and inspired by some of the most thought provoking and soul stirring blogs imaginable. You all have aided me, through my writing, in overcoming some very serious issues in my life…not limited to the death of my sister. You are all a true blessing to me…thank you so much.

 

I, now, get the honor of passing the baton…as it were…to some wonderful bloggers…in no particular order. I hope that you get a chance to read their blogs…sometimes the best gifts are those yet to be seen.

http://buckwheatsrisk.wordpress.com

http://iamnotshe.wordpress.com

http://mayibe.wordpress.com

http://lesleehare.wordpress.com

http://liveloveandpray.wordpress.com

http://untitledmoments.com

http://poeticjourney251.wordpress.com

http://auroramorealist.wordpress.com

 

Now the rules for the award are very simple…acknowledge whoever sent you the award…then nominate the blogs that touched you (I know it is hard to choose)…then from A-Z share a word that describes you…HAVE FUN!!!

 

Here is my attempt at my A-Z….Peace to you all

 

A~ Alaska

B~ Blogging…every day…

C~ Curious

D~ Dreamer

E~ Educated

F~ Faithful

G~ Gentle

H~ Happy…or try to be

I~ Inquisitive

J~ Joyful

K~ Kind-hearted

L~ Loving

M~ Motivated

N~ Nurturing

O~ Open minded

P~ Private

Q~ Questioning

R~ Responsible

S~ Spiritual

T~ Tall

U~ Understanding

V~ Valuable…lol at least to my family

W~ Witty

X~ Xylographic…we actually create portraits etched in wood

Y~ Youthful

Z~ Zealous

 

For All Eternity


Why do we live as if tomorrow

Is an unspoken promise…a given as it were

Something we will always have

A thing which is definite…something for sure

Have we not learned by now

That every day is a gift not yet received

And no matter what we think

Or have been led to believe

We are all undeserving

Of the blessings we have now

Yet we live our lives

As if somehow

We have endless time

Moments left to spare

As if they are kept in a bank

Or safe vault somewhere

We can pray tomorrow

We can give thanks then

I’ll call my mom in a few days

I’ll touch base with a friend

But what happens when tomorrow

Just doesn’t arrive

And all we are left with

Are the memories in our life

What happens when there is no possibility

Of getting a call

Because the loves of our life have left us

After all

We are only human

And our sand slips away

Through the hour glass of life

And no matter what we say

We can not turn back

The ticking clock of fate

Because it’s run out of time

And it’s too late

There will be no new memories

And no new stories to tell

No familiar voice of concern

Wishing you well

So while you are busy

And can’t find the time for a call

Remember that time

Still ticks for us all

Appreciate what you have

And live in this way

Like this moment is the first

Your very first day

And tell the people in your life

You love them very much

And try not to make…things

More important than your touch

There will be other jobs

And objectives you can find

The rewards of these things

Are all in your mind

But we can not replace

True love’s kiss

And if you are not careful

You might miss

Out on what is intended for your life

The greatest and truest love

That which comes from our Father

Gazing from above

Call your family today

Laugh with your child

Be rest assured

Life is worthwhile

But it is what you make it

And I pray that you see

You are leaving footprints on their hearts

For all eternity

The Rest of My Days


The Rest of My Days

 

 

 

Another month passes

All of a sudden it’s been a year

And the pain is still present

Because you are not here

 

So much has happened

Which you already know

And even though I miss you

My love still grows

 

I find your laughter

Everywhere the sun shines

Don’t worry…the sadness

That is all mine

 

You didn’t cause my tears

You didn’t cause the blues

You only brought smiles

Even if you didn’t intend to

 

I can imagine your home

Is one fit for a king

This is appropriate

Since you are a queen

 

You are my sister always

My very best friend

Things you always were

Up till the very end

 

So today I send love

Up to the stars

Knowing it will find you

Wherever you are

 

Know that even though at times

My heart feels heavy

I know when God took you

You were ready

 

Even now as I try to blink

Past the tears of my pain

I am thankful for your presence

My life will never be the same

 

And if I could touch another

Whose heart is breaking too

I would remind them of the blessing

Of knowing someone like you

 

I would tell them this is the sign

That love is our only task

And the rewards are all ours

We only need to ask

 

God will send us angels

Very similar to you

To remind us of our purpose

And the thing we should do

 

Give forgiveness often

And love with your entire soul

Lift up our neighbors

And watch our blessings begin to grow

 

So even though I know

I miss with each passing day

Your love was a blessing

God gave me everyday

 

So to you and to HIM

I give thanks and praise

For granting me enough love

To fill the rest of my days

 

 

TODAY


TODAY

Blinking past tears
Getting harder to hide
Something is missing
I no longer can deny

I understand the selfishness
That breaks my heart so
But I’m left with a pain
My life has never known

I know you were a part
Of God’s much larger plan
But your absence in my days
Is almost more than I can stand

I’ll have moments of peace
Followed by sudden dismay
Praying to God
Please don’t let me hear her name

The silence can be so deadly
Like a terminal disease
I keep moving forward
But it’s so hard to find relief

You were a blessing in my life
And all others you did touch
I know you have eternal peace
But I still miss you so much

Your life was a constant reminder
To make the most of today
Because as surely as God giveth
He most readily can take away

Not take away to punish
Or as payment for our sins
But to replenish His Heavenly Kingdom
With the angel you were within

How wonderful is our Father
Who truly understands
The impact of those eyes
The strength found in your hands

The sweet beauty of your laugh
That ever so bears…on my heart
Yet and still it is these things
Which make it difficult being apart

And yes of course I know
That you are with me always still
It is only your voice I’m missing
Which I know is God’s will

So tonight like nights before
I will fall down to pray
Always letting God know
I submit to His way

And whatever His plan
For my path and for me
Will be all that I want
As I fall to my knees

So while I will always miss you
And your beautiful way
I give thanks for the chance
To say I love you…today

~~ From my heart to yours

Time To Shine Some Light


Imagine my surprise when yet again, Auroramorealist.wordpress.com nominated me for blogging awards!!! This is always a great honor…to be acknowledged by your peers and fellow bloggers. This is probably the only place where you will hear people say that the honor is in the nomination; although it is so true. But I have found so many beautiful words on so many pages of such a wide genre…its like a universal rainbow of stories, about our lives, our sadnesses, our laughter, and our tears…and the love that defines us all.

 

 

I guess I will start with the rules…which are easy since there really are none…lol. The purpose of this, the way I undersrtand it is to shine light on our fellow writers and hopefully bring them into someone elses sights as well.

But sticking to tradition…

1. we should first thank whoever nominated us…it’s our way of giving back. Sort of creating the circle that holds us all together.

2. we are to nominate 10-15 writers whose blogs have touched us, made us laugh, given us joy, brought us to tears…basically anyone who has touched our hearts

3. share 7 things about your self…it could be anything…nothing is too large or small.

****************************************************************

 

So allow me to start….

1. My deepest heartfelt thank you to Janice Auroramorealist.wordpress.com …you have been such a beautiful spirit and person to me. Your warmth has a beautiful glow and it is ever represented in your writing style and content. I wish you the very best in the upcoming year and pray you have much peace and abundant joy.

 

2. MY NOMINEES…I really hope that everyone gets the opportunity to read the posts attached to these blogs…they have all touched me in one way or another

http://helpopenpandorasbox.blogspot.com

http://enitsirk24.wordpress.com

http://myhonestjourney.wordpress.com

http://shewriting.wordpress.com

http://joycedevivre.wordpress.com

http://jamesdez.wordpress.com

http://dversepoets.com

http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

http://michaelwatsonvt.wordpress.com

http://poetwhispers.wordpress.com

http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com

http://magicinthebackyard.wordpress.com

http://ajpoetry.wordpress.com

http://liv2write2day.wordpress.com

http://womenswindow.wordpress.com

http://justsimplyinlove.wordpress.com

http://itsmythoughts11.wordpress.com

 

3. And last but not least…..7 things about…ME

1. Every Tuesday after 3 pm EST you can catch me on the http://dversepoets.com page. I am trying to refine my poetic skills and they are so gracious…lol. But seriously there is so much talent there it is a beautiful sight.

2. I am a big animal person…no I don’t live with 20 cats…lol. But I see a majestic beauty in all of our Creators work. Animals never second guess themselves. They do not look for approval, they function on their gut instincts. But most importantly they do not kill for the sake of the kill. They have respect and kinship with one another…something that I think we could all establish.

3. I love the outdooors. I love hiking and walking…it brings me a sense of peace.

4. I always try to find the lesson in all things. Sometimes when we are hurt by situations or events…we succumb to sadness or anger…and while this is understandable…it can stunt growth. So, for myself, I try to see what lesson was being taught to me on that day…and hopefully I won’t miss it.

5. I am a part of a very non-traditional family. And while some may not understand it…I am loved and respected every day of my life. My grandmother told me once…often love is not where you thought it was going to be and sometimes it does not come in the package that you had in mind. But all love comes from our Creator…so it is a gift nonetheless.

6. My daughter will be in college soon…and while I am so proud of her accomplishments…I know I will miss her with all of my heart

7. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason…and while we may not understand it at the time…sooner or later it will become clear. And just as our time together seemed random…it is as it was supposed to be.

 

I hope you all have fun and enjoy the nominations!!

And may our Creator fill your lives with love and peace

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