Tag Archive: grief


Love Drops


Love Drops

I got the news today

A Lupus Warrior gone home

But she left her footprints

Showing…we are never alone

Tears filled my eyes

My heart it grew heavy

But like most Angels

HE called…she was ready

She walked those glorious stairs

She was relieved from her pain

She found her beautiful smile

Never to leave her again

Lupus may think that it won

That it did her great harm

But the truth is she

Is wrapped in HIS loving arms

We will miss you sweet Angel

But we smile in the KNOW

You are with a Creator

Who always loved you so

So if you catch our tears falling

Realize our connection never stops

It’s not crying we are doing

But sharing God’s LOVE DROPS

**A Lupus Warrior went HOME today…Where only the brightest lights belong**

RIP KIMBERLY SPENCE

His Grace


 His Grace

 

I woke up feeling sad

My heart was so blue

What was happening…oh

It was me missing you

 

It strikes all of a sudden

From a jump start

When my “missing you” thoughts

Go straight to my heart

 

So I wanted to write you

Reach out to you now

When I don’t know what to do

Not quite sure how

 

I miss you more each day

Though I guess it shouldn’t be

I should be used to this feeling

It’s such a part of me

 

So maybe I just needed

To whisper your name

Say I know you love me

And I feel the same

 

Let the tears that I drop

Water hearts forever

Reminding them…one day

We will again be together

 

Don’t wrinkle your nose

I know what you will say

Go out…live your life

Don’t grieve for me this way

 

Don’t let me cause sadness

Don’t let your heart break

You are loved and embraced

With every breath that you take

 

So straighten your walk

Turn the   soft music down

Wear that smile

Embrace the love you have found

 

Until next time my sister

My God Given best friend

When we are together forever

When time never ends

 

You filled my hearts heart

With love…warm feelings of you

I love you and am with you

No matter what you may do

 

As my tears slowly faded

And dried upon my face

I am thankful to Heaven

God lent me His grace

My New Years Resolution


My New Year Resolution

As I sit back in wonder

Of the year as it passed

The tragedies we endured

Love created which will last

For every single heartbreak

For all those lifted up

For those moments we shouted

Enough is enough

For those loved ones we embraced

If even only in our hearts

Those fences we mended

Our brand new start

I remember the laughter

The smiles we handed out

The moments we whispered

This is what life is about

When we came together in sadness

When we rose against a foe

When we chose to say I am here

And not…I told you so

When we raised another’s spirits

When we placed no sort of blame

When we were given the gift

To rise once again

NO matter what the past year was

No matter how hard it may have been

Give thanks for all the support

Of family and new found friends

Raise a glass in celebration

For the paths we did cross

We were part of a divine plan

Give thanks to what you lost

I know it’s a rare occasion

When we talk about losing

But it is the perception

What we hold on to is our choosing

Let go of the anguish

Let go of the pain

Make room for tomorrow

So we may choose love again

Release bitter moments

We are learning every day

How we can increase another’s life

With a simple smile along the way

So this New Year I do not

Make a single resolution

But soberly step toward

My spiritual evolution

I will love you with full force

I will remind you forever

To embrace a Creator

Who brought us together

I wish you laughter always

And a child’s sweet hug

Kindness…joy…peace

And above all…love

And for those who say

My dreams are in vain

I hold you in prayers

So you may learn love again

I love you all dearly

You made my past year great

I look forward to the promise

Love tends to create

While we all may have problems

Which seem to have no solution

I wish you all love and peace

As my New Year Resolution


Giving Thanks in 2012

 

This year has been a remarkable year for me. 2012 has been become my year of survival; and I wanted to take a moment to share that experience with you.

 

This will be my second complete year since my sister passed away. While many people, sometimes even myself; weren’t certain that I would survive it…I did. I survived the loneliness and grief that her absence left me with. I remembered to smile when her name ran across my lips. I talked about her and wrote about her every single time; my heart felt heavy. I reminded others how blessed they are every day; and how truly short life can be. While there may never be another beautiful blue eyed girl in my life; I am grateful for knowing her…my best friend from God. I often hope that she is looking down, not only in my sadness; but I hope she is watching when I am laughing and loving, too. There was never a more clear vision of my Creator, as when she was walking in my life. I hope that 2013; also brings you…that spectacular angel energy that I was blessed with.

 

This year we mourned; and when we thought we were done mourning…we mourned again. We mourned the death of Trayvon Martin, Xiomara Jonsales-Fernandez, Afton Allison, Amanda Todd, those beautiful angels in the Middle East, those innocent people in an Aurora movie theater, dutiful and diligent firefighters in Massachusetts and those sweet and courageous children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary school. Each one of these deaths; reminded us of how fragile life is. We are reminded that nothing in life is guaranteed. I pray that one day we can be thankful for having known these blessed spirits; once the anger and shock of the situation has been minimized by the true blessings their lives brought to us.

 

This year I survived another stroke; I once again won a war that Lupus waged on my body. I never let these moments pass without being totally honest about them; Lupus is a constant thief. It tries to steal every inch of health, love, hope and goodness from us. We get to decide what we allow it to have. This is not to take away from anything that anyone else is suffering with; as we all have unique experiences. But in my final thoughts of 2012; LUPUS failed.

 

I am thankful to all of you. You have helped make my year beautiful. You have given me hope; when mine was depleting. You allowed me into your lives and you nurtured mine, by doing so. You made me painfully aware of the violence we create against our fellow man and also all the animals within our wonderful planet. I was reminded of the issues of child abuse, neglect, starvation, homelessness, racism, violence and indifference that we are spilling onto one another’s lives. This is a blessing because until we shine light into the dark…we don’t realize that we are the ones that live there.

 

We are the dwellers of the darkness. We live in the dark, without realizing that the battle lines are drawn every time we choose to say nothing.

 

I am thankful for my family this year, and every year. We have continued to stand firm and strong; you are the glue which holds my soul together. I love you all.

 

I am finally and always thankful for a most Gracious Creator. Thank you for having patience and love with me; I know I don’t always make it easy. Thank you for showing me where to shine the light; and for guiding me when true adversity had set in. I am forever grateful for your vision of my life; ALL I AM, IS ALL YOU WANT ME TO BE…I am humbled.

 

I wish us all the greatest new year; remember to love one another in our hearts, minds souls, tongues and ears…so divine love can guide us home.

But I Love You Anyway


But I Love You Anyway

 

The most difficult lessons we may ever learn, in this life, are the ones that break our hearts. I have personally endured such lessons. I have disappointed people; I have lost people that I love. I, like everyone else, have endured immeasurable grief.

 

When we grieve the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship; we are not grieving for the one who we lost. We are grieving for ourselves. We are angry, hurt, disappointed and often infuriated; by the fact that; we are left to carry on. We must find a way to keep going; even when our hearts are on fire, with sorrow.

 

Someone I love once told me that when my sister died…it didn’t happen to me. She said that it affected me; and my sorrow was really over the fact that I had to find a way to move on. I didn’t want to believe her; and the fact that she was/is someone who I know wouldn’t hurt me, intentionally; I took the time to listen to her. I was angered by what she said. Of course it happened to me, MY sister died. It was at that point, when she stopped me. She said, “Say that again”. I repeated it was MY sister that died. The point I was trying to emphasize is that she was my sister, not hers; and how dare she say it didn’t happen to me? She said again in the softest voice…she died…you didn’t.

 

Tears started streaming out of my face; seemingly out of nowhere, I saw her point. I had to find the strength to move on; I was left alone to survive. The mere thought of that idea; to this day, makes me cry. I had to decide to move on; I had to decide…every day… to breathe in and out. I found this knowledge disturbing and it hurt. Not that I didn’t want to live; I’m not suicidal. But I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be a part of a world where my sister, my best friend…no longer breathed. I felt abandoned…I felt isolated and I was angry.

 

I felt justified in my anger; no one knew what it was like to love my sister, the way I did. I found a million ways to look at this situation; so that no one could effectively say…I know how you feel. I slowly realized; I created the isolation. People wanted to care; simply because they loved me…and I was hurting.

 

Anger is a funny thing; it can feel so good. Anger can burn longer than any candle you ever light, if we allow it to. Anger can fuel any negative fire that we may come into contact with. Anger will also destroy us.

 

Anger will keep us from forgiving others and it will keep us from being forgiven. Remember what I said in the beginning…everything is a lesson.

 

When we hold on to anger…we are only hurting ourselves. We are blocking our blessings; even when it isn’t our intention.

 

Sometimes I still get angry; when I think about my sister. I will get angry at the mere thought of her leaving me. I have even had conversations about it, with her.

 

But thankfully, I have a most gracious Creator. Even in moments when I feel like I deserve nothing; my Creator shines light on me and says, “But I love you anyway”.

 

We are surrounded by beauty and love; it can be found in everyone and everything.

 

People may say that is just hippy talk; how is a dandelion beauty and love…it is a weed!!

I love these moments. I smile and say, hold out your hands. When empty hands are held out; I will say…using only what is in your hands…make that weed.

 

The beauty and love, even in a dandelion, is the fact that it was created from Greatness. We were all created from Greatness; made to love one another. And when a life cycle ends, on earth, the memories we created with that person…has the miracle of eternal life.

 

There are people on the planet, who were not privileged enough to know my sister. I was blessed by her existence and her memories live through me. People are touched by her; through my writing or speech or actions. Her life truly is eternal.

 

My life was forever changed the day that my sister died. I miss her…every day of my life. There is a void that her death has given me; and I would be lying if I denied that. But it was her time to go Home; and while I don’t think she would have chosen it; she earned it. I know she watches over me now; and I’ m sure she is shaking her head, at times. But the true blessing, is knowing that no matter what I do; which she might not agree with…she will always meet me with an, “But I love you anyway”.

 

And don’t we all deserve those moments?

A Nation’s Broken Heart


A Nation’s Broken Heart

We know that you are in sorrow

Your hearts filled with grief

So we wanted to take a moment

To send you some relief

Think not about that moment

Where lives changed that day

That was not about love

Please don’t remember us that way

Remember resounding laughter

Wrinkles above our nose

Eyes sparkling like diamonds

You smiled when you saw those

Remember how we played

Remember the things we shared

For we bask in the mere thought

Of how so many people cared

Tears are still okay but

Let that be the last

Thing you remember

About our tender past

Remember that first moment

First smile…first look

Not the haunting feeling

Lives that someone took

We are not in pain now

Yet our hearts go out to you

Wishing we could mend the breaking

You are all going through

We live in paradise now

It’s playtime every day

Just like you said it was

Every night when we prayed

God sends his thanks to you

For taking such good care

Of His angels He entrusted

While we visited there

Please don’t be so angry

For anger lifted us away

Feel our Creators Light

Even if it’s hard to say

And when you see a rainbow

Remember it’s a brand new start

God’s special new way

To mend a Nations Broken Heart

He Gave Her His Ring


He Gave Her His Ring

 

Love unrequited

Love so brand new

They knew it instantly

When they came into view

Like a missing piece to a puzzle

And the magic it brings

God joined them together

When he gave her his ring

Two souls that needed

Only one heart

Where her sentence left off

His began to start

After sixty two years

Of wedded bliss

Only having an “US”

Not hers…not his

Walking through life together

Happily as one

But before it was over

Said and done

As he slowly walked

Up Heavens golden stairs

She whispers softly

I will meet you there

And a few hours later

After her love passed that day

His loyal soul mate

Faded away

This bittersweet moment

Life’s true tale

That love conquers all

Without fail

Their life was made full

By our Blessed King

It goes to show

What true love means

They said she died

From a broken heart

But I think it was a beginning

A divine new start

So rest in peace

And with the angels sing

This love story that started

When he gave her his ring

***This was inspired completely by the story of Melvin and Doris Cornelson a couple who were married for 62 years…who died just hours apart. May God Bless Them

You


You

The greatest thing ever

I was ever told

Was I am here for you

You are not alone

Such a simple phrase to deliver

So simple to relay

Yet far reaching it is

To give love in this way

A verbally connected hug

A word of unity

A beautiful moment shared

A divine opportunity

You are not alone now

Your cries I hear and know

It’s okay to be afraid

Love starts to grow

For the true essence of love

Is not in a ceremonial ring

But in the unity of a people

And the comfort that brings

You are not alone in your anguish

Your breaking heart is my key

That you are seeking understanding

Fellowship…humanity

Your situation may be unique

Of that we both know to be true

But the isolation you feel

It’s something I’ve gone through

So when your blue skies turn gloomy

The clouds are dark and grim

I will be there to talk to

Reaching the soul from within

I may not be able to change it

But I will sit and hear your sighs

My heart will reach out

Further than you realize

So scream…yell or sob

I will hold your hand…have your back

Your journey although different

I know where you are at

And I will sit and quietly listen

May shed a tear or two

For I remember that Fall day

When the one I needed…was you


These Children of Mine

What a sad state of affairs

Our world has become

Constantly living in fear

Nowhere to run

When we place more concern

On a man with a sign

Than the sins put upon

Your children and mine

We are definitely lost

Standing in the cold

Living a life of “I”

Ego’s growing bold

Children being murdered

On a street in a home

More sins against humanity

Than can truly be known

A risen angel on trial

A lost life forsaken

Another light blown out

Sins for the taking

We are selling drugs to them all

But we call it another name

“Just the way life goes”

God shakes His head in shame

Sure on a street corner

You may see a dealer or two

But the real drug is a lie

Hidden as the truth

Still don’t understand

Let me make it more clear

We don’t look deeper than

How things seem to appear

The home seemed to be happy

No one ever complained

Don’t mistake joy for the truth

Silence masking shame

Need more clarity still

Let me draw you a picture

Lives are not expendable

Children are not fixtures

Life is precious I tell you

Stop spreading the hate

One day you will have to own

Indifference you create

It’s a sin against humanity

To blow out an eternal flame

No need to look around

We are all to blame

For even if the only weapon

Is the sharpness of our tongue

We are still arming our children

Killing souls of the young

We give publicity to pedophiles

Magazine covers to the vile

Saying we know it’s wrong

But reading all the while

Do you get what I am saying

Do you know what I mean

We have the power to change

So many things

Change your tone and reflection

Give hope to the masses

Before more are killed

As time again passes

Reach out and reach up

Stop enforcing the loss

Humanity is endangered

Is it worth the cost

Too high a price I can tell you

This truth will remain

While we were debating

Two children were slain

Still think you have time

To consider being involved

The next child could be yours

No question at all

Then you will be the parent

Living with such anguish and pain

Left with only a handful of memories

And tear drop stains

On my last few points

This travesty is too real

Stop thinking too much

It’s time for you to feel

Thaw out your heart

Shine the light of the Divine

I beg you please…please

Save these children of mine

The World’s Greatest Dad


The World’s Greatest Dad

Our time was shortened

You were called away

I know that you wouldn’t

Want me to hurt this way

The shoulder I could lean on

The storm chaser for me

My best friend and more

My Dad…my family

I miss you more than I knew

I could miss any thing

But I hold tight to the love

And comfort you would bring

When you see a tear fall

Don’t worry I understand

I just miss the days

You reached out for my hand

You were gone too soon

I didn’t realize it then

I didn’t just lose my Dad

But my very best friend

But along with the sorrow

That makes me so sad

I have joy in having loved

The World’s Greatest dad

** Appreciate the love we have in our lives…every moment not spent with them is a lifetime of memories we failed to make**

God Bless you, Kerry

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