Tag Archive: guilt


Some Days


Some days are harder than others
Some days the guilt of my existence
Is just overwhelming
Some days I think of her and smile
I imagine those blue eyes
Laughing when people have warred against me
Sometimes I can still see that blonde hair
Making me envious…lol
Sometimes I still smell her perfume
Some days I can still hear her words ringing in my ears
“I’m not strong enough to live without you…so God will have to take me first ”
Sometimes…I get so angry
At her self prophetic demise
She only had one fear
“I’m afraid one day I will fall asleep and never wake up ”
And one day…
She didn’t
And now all I can do
Is hope when she looks down on me
She is proud…
Of the woman I have become
Of the choices I have made
But I swear…
Missing her…
Is more painful
Than Lupus or Cancer
Bc I have survived those
But everyday
I get up
And I thank her
By living
By trying
By loving…all people
Bc sometimes…
Everyone needs that
I know I do

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His Grace


His Grace

I don’t know what to say

When I see you down below

I know that you feel lonely

Having to let me go

I almost feel guilty

Watching you when you cry

Sad we couldn’t have one more chat

Never saying good bye

And when that faint smile

Comes across your face

Know that God sent it

From the most amazing place

I want you to understand

I had things to say too

Like how you touched my life

How much that I love you

I know it’s hard to find a reason

To start to move ahead

But don’t let guilt or grief

Hold you back instead

Know that I loved you then

As I still do to this day

Sometimes life has to change

God needed it this way

Maybe there was a bridge that you

Were afraid to cross alone

Or maybe we held on too tight

As we were always prone

But whatever cause or reason

The Lord called me here

Know that I will never leave you

My love is always near

For after every thunderstorm

Our Creator shows His love

By bending every color known

From His mansion high above

Please do not cry for your loss

For one truth will always remain

God sent you to me once

He will do it once again

So until we meet at Heavens Gate

Here’s a promise to you

I will never leave your side

No matter what you say or do

We were bonded by blood

Connected by our choice

I am loving you still

Though you cannot hear my voice

When you wake up this morning

Let the smile come across your face

Accept the will of God now

And show the world His grace

Worthwhile


Worthwhile

I thought of something today

I just had to give you a call

Then sadly I realized

There wouldn’t be an answer…no answer at all

It made me think of time wasted

And I was filled with regret

Regret of vacations not taken

And memories we hadn’t made yet

Did I ever tell about how your smile

Made you stand out in a crowd

And how every day I’m left hoping

That you are smiling down us now

To know you was to love you

And to love you was a gift

Now I’m left regretful

Of all the chances that I missed

The times I missed out on your calls

Missed out on your laugh

Missed the chance to look into your eyes

Missing now what we had

I don’t think I paid enough attention

And now I’m stuck trying to recall

The greatest sister since creation

The brightest light of us all

If you are watching…know that

I know you no longer feel pain

And for that I am thankful

But one truth still remains

My heart it is still breaking

But my lungs still fill with air

The world it keeps spinning

And it doesn’t seem fair

Please look down often

And remind us to go on

Until one day we are doing it

All on our own

One day in the future

You will look down from the sky

Smile down on us to say

See…I told you…you’re going to be alright

In closing my blue eyed angel

Give God thanks and a smile

For these precious moments with you

Made my life seem worthwhile

**I am sharing this post with our friends at http://dversepoets.com on their open  link night Tuesday at 3PM est …I hope you all will join us there**

Like a Phoenix…


  I love the story of the Phoenix which rises from the ashes. In this story the beautiful, brilliant bird lives for about 100 years. In the part of its life it nests…in sticks and twigs…which slowly burn; until finally the entire nest is in flames around the bird. And just when you are certain that you know all that there is to tell…a baby Phoenix rises from the flames. This story is very personal to me…because I believe that through true adversity and against unthinkable odds…great things can happen.

  In my interpretation of this story…the fire is symbolic of life and its many obstacles. And like in the story of the Phoenix…just when you feel like the fire has become hotter than you can handle…it is then when we emerge our strongest.

  We have all faced situations that have tried our faith in ourselves or God. Life has a way of making us second guess decisions that we have made. We have faced the death of loved ones…where we may feel that the people who have meant more than anything else in our lives…were stripped from us. We may blame God, or whatever circumstances that led to the unexpected departure. I blamed myself when my sister passed away. I was stuck in regret…and I had a hard time forgiving myself. I couldn’t forgive the fact that I was only human. It took a while, and is still a work in progress, for me to realize that it simply was her time to go home. I most definitely felt that my wings were caught in a blazing fire that day. What I discovered that day though, was not that she left me. The hardest part was the realization that I had to be strong enough to continue on…and I was angry that I had to do it. My flames were my grief…and I burned for what seemed like a very long time. I only began rising from the ashes when I learned that I could forever keep our relationship alive on paper.

  There are people everyday who are plagued with terrible heart wrenching illnesses. There are some who are in emotional or physical pain every second that they are awake and sometimes even when they sleep. There are people can not walk, see, hear, or breathe without assistance. And this can be the flame to their Phoenix; burning brightly. However there those of us who believe that there are some fires that, like the mythical Phoenix, we are supposed to feel. I don’t necessarily think that we are martyrs or anything more special than anyone else…but perhaps the pain of our personal fires can ease the emotional pain of another.

  There are some struggles that make us stronger. Some people have struggled and the world never knew. We often do not see the gift, until their time has passed or the experience has become more enjoyable.

  So,in my rising from the ashes…I wanted to take a moment to point out some poignant beautiful survivors of the fire:

1. Never allowing his learning disability to hold him back…he was fired as a newspapers editor for lacking imagination and good ideas. WALT DISNEY…didn’t even let bankruptcy keep him down.

2. Getting a late start in life this young man did not learn to speak until he was 4 and didn’t read until he was 7. He was considered developmentally handicapped by his teachers and his own parents…luckily the Phoenix…that he is didn’t deter…ALBERT EINSTEIN.

3. One of the best known philosophers of the Classical era…SOCRATES was called an “immoral corrupter of youth” and was sentenced to death.

4. This great artist only sold 1 painting…to a good friend…but followed his passion…and created 800 more. His friend paid a fraction of what the art VINCENT VAN GOGH’s paintings g for now.

5. This renowned poet wrote over 1800 poems…although only 12 of EMILY DICKINSON’s poems were published in her lifetime.

6. His first book was rejected 30 times. In disgust he through t in the trash…thankfully “Carrie” and STEPHEN KING rose from the ashes as well.

7. Divorced, penniless, and driven…this single mom went from being a welfare recipient to one of the world’s richest women in a 5 year period…so the story of “Harry Potter” and J.K. ROWLINGS was born.

  We all have our fires to burn and rise from. Babe Ruth,  who was made famous by hitting 714 home runs during his baseball career…also struck out 1330 times. When he was asked about his record he earnestly stated, “Every strike brings me closer to my next home run”.

  In closing…please keep hope alive…it lives within us all. We need only understand that even when things seem their lowest…the best is yet to come.

~~ From my heart to yours

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