Tag Archive: lupus


Embrace All Things


Embrace All Things

 

When I was diagnosed with Lupus, SLE, my entire world changed. This disease affects everyone differently…this is how it affected me.

 

The sun seemed to shine brighter.

The stars sparkled like diamonds.

The feathers on the birds in my neighborhood seemed more vibrant.

The sound of children’s laughter, in the park, made me laugh til I cried.

I held my family closer.

I said I love you…all the time.

 

During a time when no one would have said that I was wrong…to be bitter and angry; I selected a different path. I chose to take this circumstance and allow it to make me more aware of my surroundings. This devastating illness was trying to steal my life…and I knew that even if it won…my livelihood would be non-existent. I was determined not to fail. And in that moment I decided to start appreciating the little things and make Lupus have to fight for this body of mine.

We all get to choose how we live. Are we stopping to smell the flowers along the way? Are we mindful of our journey or are we just concentrating on the destination? Once my eyes were open to this beautiful world; I realized that I had been sleep walking through life. I had a new appreciation for this world. I felt like I had been given a huge gift…and I wasn’t going to waste a moment of it. I began smelling those flowers and praising the bees that help those flowers grow. I began singing in rain showers and even when a thunderstorm erupted….I praised that, as well; embracing the colors and sounds of the lightning and thunder.

In all of our lives we are faced with struggles, no matter how large or small they may be; be it grief, illness, homelessness, poverty or divorce. These are what I call “eye openers”. And the truth that I learned is this: What opens your eyes is less important than the fact that now your eyes are wide open.

We can now see more clearly. We can take the time to reclaim the joy that was always meant for us…in this life. But we must first try and let go of the circumstances or situations that brought us here. When we hold onto pain, such as this, we are holding ourselves back from victory.

The most difficult lesson we may ever learn is to be thankful and loving in all situations.

Remember we are not part of the bigger picture…we are the bigger picture. This is not referring to the ego…but to the ALL of everything. This prevents us from placing ourselves above or under anyone or anything else; because we are walking through this life together.

Once we begin to recognize that we are not part of the universe…but we ARE the universe; we will see life differently. Life doesn’t happen TO us…it happens WITH us. If we can allow ourselves to find joy in all circumstances, then we can find our truer purpose in life.

I could easily be angry with Lupus. I could cry all the time; as the pain I live with is often unbearable, but I bear it. This illness and several other obstacles have since tried to derail me; but I continue being thankful. I have learned to embrace all things.

 

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On Tuesday’s radio show, we talked about Lupus awareness; how it affects those of us who have the illness and those who love us.

It was a beautiful show, as we had much participation. Our special guest was Delma Carlton; it was a blessing to have such an inspiring woman with us.

Delma is a runner; and in November she will be running the New York Marathon for 3 great causes: Lupus, Autism, and Charge Syndrome.

After research I found that, CHARGE syndrome is a disorder that affects many areas of the body. CHARGE stands for coloboma, heart defect, atresia choanae (also known as choanal atresia), retarded growth and development, genital abnormality, and ear abnormality. The pattern of malformations varies among individuals with this disorder, and infants often have multiple life-threatening medical conditions.

I want to thank Delma for all her efforts in bringing attention to these life altering conditions.

In efforts to try and help her achieve the goals she has set; she has a site where we can all donate.

I would encourage, if you are able, to take a look at the site and donate if possible.

I want to thank you all, in advance, for your care and concern.

I wish you all Light and Love…

~LM Young

I Have Lupus


I Have Lupus

I live with an illness

Other people cannot see

I live in pain and fatigue

Often immobility

I live with an illness

Some people cannot understand

Because it cannot be detected

By the casual glance

I live with swollen joints

Bruising but first

I live with knowledge that

It can get much worse

My hair has fallen out

My eyes swollen shut

But I live with a disease

That doesn’t understand…enough

I am not alone in this fight

There are warriors like me

Who understand what it’s like

To have physical agony

I am a fighter now

I am a warrior because

If I stopped fighting

Gave it a pause

This disease would win

My valiance for naught

I am in this war

I never forgot

I was created from greatness

And greatness is in me

I will struggle with this thing

NO matter what shall be

For the winner of this battle

Gets no trophy or attention

For I fight it inside myself

With the greatest intention

Take no moment for granted

For in a moment of dissention

It could be all stripped away

Without even a mention

Of the facial rashes

Medication and grief

The lack of support

The need for sleep

And while it is hard to understand

What my life would be like for you

I will tell all now that I wouldn’t

Want you to suffer too

Help raise awareness

Look for the Light

God said he would never leave

I know He is right

Join the movement

Raise mental elevation

Link hands with others

Focus your attention

I have a silent disease

That you cannot see

BUT I have LUPUS

It doesn’t have me

Life Won’t Let Us Forget


Life Won’t Let Us Forget

Life can throw us curves; we have all experienced instances or situations that we feel we aren’t prepared for. If we re-examine our lives we can see more clearly why these things happened.

My heart was broken as a teenager, for what seemed to be no reason at all. I sought answers that would never come. We have all been through that; the tears that seem to never end…until one day, unexpectedly, they do.

I remember when my very good friend stopped being that. It was, as if my world began crumbling beneath my feet. I tried to find logic in the situation, where there was none. I was certain that I would never trust like that again…until one day I did.

I remember the first time that a child hurt my daughter’s feelings; and her tears seemed to be weighted with cement, her heartbreak became mine. I have never been so angry or sad in my life. Something happens to us when our children are targeted. In that moment of sadness for my daughter…it felt like the weight of her world crashed on top of my head, I felt helpless.

I recall the very first time I was hit by someone that said they cared about me. I had never been struck by another individual, it felt unreal…yet too real. This was my first bout with physical abuse and I felt completely vulnerable. It seemed to be a long road for me; it took many weeks and maybe months before I could sleep without a light on. The nightmares can still wake me up; although now I wake knowing that he can’t hurt me any longer.

I remember the first time I was told that I would forever live, with this disease called Lupus. I had heard of Lupus, but wasn’t really sure how it would affect me. What I learned is that Lupus affects everyone differently; I had good and not-so-good- days. I could go into a “flare” and stay there for extended periods of time. It was like having a severe case of flu…that just never seemed to stop.

These are all lessons that we aren’t permitted to forget.

I learned that not everyone would love me as I loved them, but that was okay. We are all individuals and how we express and we exhibit love will be as unique as we are. We may feel that a breakup is the end of happiness as we know it; and quite possibly that is true. But it is only true because that was just first level happiness; there will always be bigger and better things ahead for us. Remember to forgive that first love that broke your heart…later in life, you will grow to understand that it was only supposed to be temporary. Looking at the life I have now, I am thankful for every broken heart I endured…because it led me to this wonderful place in my life.

Maybe all of our very best girlfriends won’t betray our trust; but life does have a way of re-aligning us with our Source. We may not see the logic or reasoning, behind why we are feeling the pain; but when it is time…it will be made clear.

Children are a sore spot for anyone that loves them. There are so many things that we go through as adults; that we would never in a million years wish on our children. When our children are hurt or in any kind of pain, be it physical, spiritual or emotional, it is difficult to watch. But we should try to understand that our children also have a path and that pain may be part of their growth, as well.

Domestic violence is a burden that far too many people have to bear; a cross carried by men, women and children alike. The scars that it causes are far reaching, even past the initial success of getting out of the situation. Always have a plan, do not allow yourself to become anyone’s sacrificial lamb…more importantly do not take the anger and fury that your experience created in you…to poison the life of another. Look for the signs of someone who may grow to be abusive. Listen for the emotional sands of the hour glass to spill out. Does he/she raise a hand…even in jest? Does he/she make demeaning and humiliating jokes about you? This is something that we cannot afford to be blindsided about. If you are in trouble, tell someone…tell everyone.

Lupus is a vile disease. It destroys your immune system. It can take your life far too soon. I have had many medical issues, due to this silent enemy. Learn all that you can about it, because even if you do not have this illness…chances are you know someone who does.

Life does not allow us to forget these lessons, we shouldn’t want to forget them. There are something’s that you may only experience one time in your life…what did you learn from it? What knowledge did you carry away with you? If any of these experience or life lessons caused you to become bitter…look at them more closely.

There are other life lessons that we are also gifted; to take away one would mean that you are also defaulting on the great ones too.

The first time you hear a newborn baby cry. The first time you lost a tooth. The first time that he/she said “I love you”; and you can’t wait until it is said again. The first flower blooming in the spring. The leaves changing colors in the fall. The first time you smelled pumpkin pie. The time you heard a baby laugh…from deep within their soul and you have to laugh too. The day you were told…you are in remission. A walk at night when you are just gazing at the stars.

Nothing that you experience is a waste of time. You cannot turn off the bad without also turning off the good. Embrace all that life has to offer you; it’s an abundant supply of LOVE.

Remember that there are also life lessons…you wouldn’t ever want to forget!!

Love Drops


Love Drops

I got the news today

A Lupus Warrior gone home

But she left her footprints

Showing…we are never alone

Tears filled my eyes

My heart it grew heavy

But like most Angels

HE called…she was ready

She walked those glorious stairs

She was relieved from her pain

She found her beautiful smile

Never to leave her again

Lupus may think that it won

That it did her great harm

But the truth is she

Is wrapped in HIS loving arms

We will miss you sweet Angel

But we smile in the KNOW

You are with a Creator

Who always loved you so

So if you catch our tears falling

Realize our connection never stops

It’s not crying we are doing

But sharing God’s LOVE DROPS

**A Lupus Warrior went HOME today…Where only the brightest lights belong**

RIP KIMBERLY SPENCE

A Day In The Life


A Day In The Life

 Today is International Lupus Awareness Day. Those of you who know me; or have followed my blog, may be aware that I have Lupus. I usually write something poetic about that specific struggle; but I have decided to just share my day with you, instead. Let me first start by saying…this is not a ploy for sympathy; sympathy will not change anything. I know you may have heard of Lupus…but are you aware of it?

I wanted to share my day with you, because sometimes the “Lupus Talk” can be overwhelming…or perhaps it is hard to picture what it is like. This is MY day with Lupus…it will be different than many other Lupus survivors; as the true “Gem” of this disease is that it will attack us all differently.

It all started so simply; I am going to run an errand. I know I won’t be gone long; so I don’t take the necessary precautions. I will go over those momentarily. I put on a t-shirt and pants…throw my hair up in a hat and I am off.

Unfortunately I got stuck in a traffic jam for 30 minutes and it is 86 degrees; the sun is beaming down. For most people, this is not a horrible thing…but I have Lupus and everything is different for me.

In 30 minutes, I have severe sunburn…my face has blisters. My skin is hot to the touch…not because the wind wasn’t blowing, but because Lupus has destroyed my body’s ability to cool itself off…I never sweat. For those of you that don’t realize this; when you cannot cool your skin…it can be very damaging. By the time I get to my errand, I am physically ill. I have to run to the bathroom…I can’t seem to stop getting sick.

By the time I get home; my skin is burning…my face swollen and blistered. It hurts to open and close my eyes, because Lupus often comes along with other auto immune diseases; so I also have Sjogrens. Sjogrens tends to dry my eyes out; causing them to swell and often they turn black and blue. I am running into the bathroom…after getting sick once again, I tear off my clothes so I can take a cool shower…I must cool my skin down.

As I told you earlier, Lupus attacks us all differently. Severe sun damage can do more than sunburn and blisters; it has, previously caused some organs to shut down. I have gone into a coma…had several strokes.

I want you to be aware. Lupus is more than a purple ribbon. Lupus is more than a “Spoon Theory”. Lupus is more than a word. Lupus, for 1.5 million people in the U.S. alone, is a way of life. Up to 15% of Lupus patients will die from this disease…but what that means is up 225,000 Lupus patients , in the U.S., will die; that is 750,000 people worldwide. While Lupus patients are 90% women…it is usually more severe in men. Lupus tends to show up more in minorities; but can affect all people.

Don’t just “Hear” about Lupus…be aware. Be aware that when he/she says she is tired or in pain…it is REAL.

I was raised in a deeply spiritual home. I was taught to be thankful for every moment. But I will tell you…Lupus made me aware. I am aware that my day can change in a moment’s notice. I was in a coma for 2 ½ months; that does something to a person. I am thankful for every single day that is more “Normal” than the last. My kidneys and liver have shut down; my lungs have developed blood clots; yet I am thankful. I am still here…so today…I wanted to share a day in my life. Be thankful for what you have and be aware that some of us have it a little harder than you may realize.

As always, I wish you love and light.

Spoon Talk


Spoon Talk

What is this spoon talk

Amongst Lupus heroes

They symbolize our energy

How fast it can go

You need one to get up

But don’t be too fast

For one spoon opens your eyes

That’s how long a spoon lasts

Throughout the day you have

Limited spoons to use

By mid day you are

Running on a short  fuse

Who would have thought

A conversation would take

So much energy…a spoon

Concessions we must make

Oh and the smiles

They are deceptive too

But she doesn’t want

This to be a burden to you

So she smiles and laughs

While spoons are being spent

Until she realizes that

Her energy…it went

I guess if fatigue was

The extent of this disease

It would be a cake walk

Like a soft blowing breeze

But there is the pain and swelling

There are the organs shutting down

There are the tears she sheds

When no one else is around

There is the knowledge that

Lupus tends to create

Pain, bruising, swelling

The rashes, fatigue…the aches

Its amazing exactly how much

One shining smile can hide

Fear of the unknown

Lupus is a frightening ride

She gives a spoon for this

And a spoon for that

It may get you going

But how do you get back

Every idea you have

Every motion you make

Every attempt at normalcy

Is ALL lupus takes

So I am sharing with you

On this unspecific day

Be aware that this disease

Wants to kill all in its way

So my prayers are lifted up

And my heart it breaks

I know your struggles

How your strength breaks

Lupus and spoons

One day will be done

Keep hope in your hearts

This war will be won

I am sending you a smile

Healing energy and joy

For those days when

Your life feels a void

From my heart to yours

Til we fear the spoon no more

I wish you love and joy

Make memories galore

I Have Lupus


I Have Lupus

I live with an illness

Other people cannot see

I live in pain and fatigue

Often immobility

I live with an illness

Some people cannot understand

Because it cannot be detected

By the casual glance

I live with swollen joints

Bruising but first

I live with knowledge that

It can get much worse

My hair has fallen out

My eyes swollen shut

But I live with a disease

That doesn’t understand…enough

I am not alone in this fight

There are warriors like me

Who understand what it’s like

To have physical agony

I am a fighter now

I am a warrior because

If I stopped fighting

Gave it a pause

This disease would win

My valiance for naught

I am in this war

I never forgot

I was created from greatness

And greatness is in me

I will struggle with this thing

NO matter what shall be

For the winner of this battle

Gets no trophy or attention

For I fight it inside myself

With the greatest intention

Take no moment for granted

For in a moment of dissention

It could be all stripped away

Without even a mention

Of the facial rashes

Medication and grief

The lack of support

The need for sleep

And while it is hard to understand

What my life would be like for you

I will tell all now that I wouldn’t

Want you to suffer too

Help raise awareness

Look for the Light

God said he would never leave

I know He is right

Join the movement

Raise mental elevation

Link hands with others

Focus your attention

I have a silent disease

That you cannot see

BUT I have LUPUS

It doesn’t have me

**I had posted this last year at my other Blog but somethings bear repeating…

 

God’s Finish Line


God’s Finish Line

If your life seems unfair

Your struggles are many

And when asked about blessings

You say you don’t have any

You have been stricken by illness

Death has knocked on your family door

Every day is a new obstacle and

You can’t take it anymore?

Let me give you information

During the times of duress

It is that time when

You are being guided the best

We learn more through heart ache

We are educated by tears

Adversity always makes

Our divine path seem more clear

You think you have it bad

But I can almost guarantee

There is someone with much less

Except he is happy

Happy with the struggle

At least he’s alive for the fight

When asked would he do it again

You know….he just might

For there is no path so perfect

Perfection is an illusion no doubt

It’s the bumps in our path showing

What life is really about

Maybe I wouldn’t appreciate good health

Had Lupus not reared its ugly head

But rather than complaining about my life

I’m giving thanks instead

We get to make our lives

What we want them to be

We can choose light and love

Or blatant hostility

I would rather have the struggle

It teaches me humility

And makes me rise above my own

Self-proclaimed insecurities

So enjoy each day of your life

It’s a blessing in the making

Being unhappy with your lot

Are just moments you are wasting

Find a reason to smile today

Watch the clouds begin to part

Allow love to embrace your soul

As it begins to warm up your heart

Smile my dear angels

Let not challenges alter your path

Remember it is where you are going

Not where you are at

We all had to start somewhere

Even if in our beautiful minds

Before we grabbed the gold

Across God’s finish line


GET BACK TO LIVING

Some may say I am broken
That I am missing out
That my adversity in life
Brought negativity about

Maybe they will remark
I am scarred by disease
Riddled with the idea that
This pain may not ever cease

I could live with the diagnosis
My life may be brief
Many hospital visits
Loved ones living in grief

But to that I must answer
The only thing to be true
I give every  day to my Creator
So everyday is made  new

Every moment is precious
A new sunrise is unique
The moments you take for granted
Now give me great relief

For instead of seeing hardship
Or a broken part of me
I see love made from greatness
A road map of Creativity

Every crack every crevice
Of this life I struggle through
Makes me uniquely who I am
Doing what I am supposed to do

What you may see as altered
Imperfection or the like
Is exactly as it should be
Filled with my Creator’s light

Don’t bother trying to mend me
For broken I’ve never been
Only filled with His will
And Greatness He has seen

Once we stop trying to fix
What God envisioned in the beginning
We will find true love and peace
And can get back to living

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