Tag Archive: men


For My Ladies


Good Morning My Ladies,
Forgiveness is important
It restores our soul
It gives us strength
However…
If we do not forgive ourselves…
How can we genuinely
Forgive anyone else?
There is an old Afrikan proverb that tells us
Never trust a man who gives you a shirt
When he is wearing none
Forgive YOU
No matter what you may have done
We all deserve THAT kindness
We all deserve THAT kind of love
This morning, before you start your day…
Extend that white flag…to yourself
It’s okay…
YOU MATTER
And no matter what anyone else tells you
YOU ARE VALUABLE
Treasure YOU
Love yourself…
Watch how it encourages others to love you, as well
It is a true honor…just knowing you
GET TO KNOW YOURSELF
Keep in mind that NO MAN can give you
SELF WORTH
Treat yourself…to SELF LOVE
Watch your smiles multiply
My hope for you on this beautiful Friday…
Is that you will see the beauty in yourself…
That I see and appreciate in each one of you

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

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The War On Men


The War On Men

 

There is an obvious war going on against men; and the common ammunition that is being used is the degradation of women.

Somehow we have gotten off course, men and women. We spend all of our time pointing fingers and placing blame on one another…and yet seem to have NO clue, as to why our families are broken.

We, as women, can get caught up in the whole, I will never submit to a man, mentality…since we are constantly at war with man.

As women we MUST try and understand and appreciate that there is no weaker sex. We do not have to feel like or be prompted to believe that we have to compete against or with him…at anything. There is no weaker sex…we are physically, emotionally and spiritually different. We have been given different roles. And if it is the roles that are causing the problems…perhaps it is self-loathing that we are talking about and not about men.

Men cannot carry or give birth to a baby. This is one of the most difficult tasks in the natural world to perform. Yet, a woman is the only human that can carry out this task…successfully. Where is the competition? Why is there a need….that has been CREATED in us…to feel like we have to compete?

Man may have a vision for his life, but let there be no mistake…woman makes that possible.

She is the empathetic voice in his ear.

She is the curve of his strong spine.

She is the look he gets in his eyes…when his heart feels full.

We should be less concerned about submitting or being less than a man is…and be content with who we are…REALLY. Let’s not forget, our husbands, and fathers are our guardians and protectors. But the women have the daunting task of being the foundation, from which all successes will be based upon. Woman will teach your children the same lessons that their father will, but from a different angled lens. Fathers may pull out the old “Man Play Book”; but your mom will pull you close to her. She will look into your eyes and through your conversation…she will speak directly to your soul. In harmony, your parents are giving you free will. You could choose your fathers way or your mother’s advice…but really they want you to find your own way. This is what a real family looks like. They are not calling one another by inconsiderate and insulting names. They are looking at one another with care and concern…after all our children are watching us. A family is a unit, it moves and flows together…as one. The problem as I am seeing it is this: we are choosing our partners without asking probing questions…about life, love, spirituality…and a TRUE understanding about who each one is…I mean who they REALLY are. We get so caught up in the thought or idea of finally not being alone…that we give little concern as to WHO…we are no longer being alone…with.

We are human so we make mistakes…and while that is a part of our growth; it is also important to learn from that mistake or error in judgment. We can hardly blame another person for simply being who they are. And as the poet, Maya Angelou tells us, “when someone tells you who they are…believe them.”

In all conversations, I have been a part of, when it comes to degrading women…very rarely do you see anyone taking responsibility. We may get mad at the rap video industry for displaying women, half-dressed. But rarely do we place responsibility on the women who are willfully participating in these videos. It is, in my eyes, difficult to place blame on a man for making that video…when there are women still willing to hold their hands out for that paycheck.

At times we may be made to feel like we are being short changed…but that is only because …as stated earlier, that we are in an invisible competition. It is NOT you against HIM…but there has been a very clear establishment that has helped to create this thought in our minds…especially with women of color. We have all been conditioned…but it isn’t too late to open our eyes.

We must put an end to this war on men…because let us remember that it is also a war on our sons. It is a cycle of hate …and we are in the unique position to change it. Men are not the enemy, but the reality is we do not usually speak the same language.

Often sex to men…just means he got sex…whereas sex to a woman can often mean there is something deeper than what he is saying. And it COULD be that; but not always. When men have sex with women, too often we are speaking a foreign language.

We must think about what he is CLEARLY saying…as opposed to what we THINK he means. We must take time and consideration when we are judging the intentions of others. Truthfully, his only intention may be…to just have sex. But we cannot run away from these types of conversations; just because they may be painful or out of some fear of having our hearts broken.

Often we are in love with the IDEA of being in love. After all, the phrase is falling in love WITH someone. Which means you are in it WITH someone. You cannot be in love WITH someone…alone.

There is a war on man…and the family unit as a whole. After all, if he fails…we all fail. And at this juncture in life, can we afford to keep doing the same things and hoping for a different outcome? Why fly blindly, when the vision is so clear.

We cannot continually keep telling ourselves that there will be a perfect time to tell him all he needs to know. There will never be a perfect time to tell her the things you haven’t found the courage to tell her,

The perfect time is an illusion. Sharing your life with someone is risky. So it really comes down to how much you care about that person and that relationship.

And keep this in the back of your mind: if he/she is unable to understand what you are going through, perhaps they aren’t the right one for you. OR, perhaps you just dropped that BOMB on her/him, and they are just needing time to absorb and organize the thoughts.

Either way we are talking about patience, consideration, and divine love.


How Would You Want To Be Remembered

 

I have been waiting to write about the Ray Rice video. I didn’t want to allow my previous experience to cloud what I needed to say about this situation. Often we can carry our own baggage into other people’s situations and that is unfair. I took the time to give both of them the benefit of the doubt, and decided to focus on what should really matter. So today, I feel confident and comfortable with my thoughts and ideas.

There are dynamics that none of us may understand about Ray Rice and his, now-wife. We don’t know how loving they are now. We do not know if the violence has subsided or if it has escalated. We can only hope that it is something they have addressed and have worked to get past. It is none of my business and I sincerely wish the two of them well.

I think, as parents, we give our children the wrong ideas about violence. We will solidly teach our sons not to hit girls. Some will even tell their sons that they should not hit girls…no matter what! And our daughters will sit by idly and listen. While we may think that we are teaching our sons to be better men…what are we teaching our daughters? Often the biggest lessons we give our children….are those that go unspoken. If we teach our sons that it is not acceptable to hit girls…but teach them that we expect them to defend themselves against other boys…what are we teaching our daughters? Are we creating a war between the sexes? Wouldn’t we be better parents if we armed all of our children with love and the truth…rather than thoughts of retaliation or rage?

As a woman who has endured domestic violence, please know that I am not excusing any abuse at all. The abuse I endured was inexcusable; and I have to admit that after a while…it became a matter of wanting to get him before he got me. I knew that every day my life could have been ended…by the efforts of someone that held no value in life, in general. But we must take a different look at an old problem, we should be teaching ALL of our children that it is not okay to hit ANYONE. Simply because, it isn’t.

It isn’t okay to strike someone, simply because we cannot find effective means of communication; or because the person we are debating or arguing with cannot “get” where we are coming from. If the discussion gets so heated that we “need” to physically offend the other person…it’s time to take that long walk. Give yourself the gift of a break. Allow your soul time to heal your thoughts…because it will. Learn to let go of anything that you cannot control. Instead, worship nature and the beauty that surrounds you. Concentrate on minimizing your breathing process. Allow your heart rate to become normal. Think about the birds singing or the crickets chirping. Listen for the children’s laughter. Feel the rustling of leaves in your heart….remember that you can create the change.

We should teach our children better coping skills. We should teach the value of the time out….not as a punishment, but as a means of realigning ourselves with our souls. Often we allow our ego to override the thoughts our souls have set up for us. Keeping in mind that our souls are here to elevate us and anything less just weighs us down.

Do I think that Ray Rice should have hit, punched or spat on his, then fiancé? NO. I find great offense in the fact that, at least one time in his life, he felt that behavior was okay. I appreciated the televised conference where he took responsibility for his error in judgment. But, unfortunately, often the apology can come too late. An “I’m sorry”, will not matter when there is a funeral being planned. And while this was not the case with Ray Rice…1 in 3 women are battered to the point of death. And 835,000 men are assaulted by their spouses or girlfriends, every year.

It is my hope that we do not take either statistic lightly. It is not funny when men are the victims of domestic violence. There are, most likely, so many unreported cases of men being abused by women. There are many reasons for this. Perhaps he doesn’t want to feel like less than a man. He may not want to be ridiculed by the authorities. I have to think this is a possibility, because I have felt the same way when I reported my abuse. The police and even the police chief sort of brushed it off. I cannot imagine how difficult that would be for a man…and my heart aches for all victims of abuse. It is not and should not be acceptable for men or women to be verbally, emotionally or physically abused…it MUST stop.

We are accountable for our own actions and words. Why would we treat people in a way that we would go to war about…if it were our children we were talking about?

Well, I have great news, because we are talking about our children. Our children are assaulting one another and we have the power to make changes. We should treat everyone in such a way that we would want to be treated.

Encourage our children to speak verbally…and that does not mean to verbally assault one another. It means to learn to communicate, in a loving and thoughtful way. Will this always work? Probably not, but isn’t it at least worth the consideration? Our children are killing one another. They are maiming one another’s souls…with their vile verbiage.

Lastly, allow me to say this: we are in a unique position to change things. We can begin to heal the damage that was done…but it cannot be done by carrying around the weight of thoughtless and careless people. We must step up and continue being the blueprint that others can follow. Be mindful of our thoughts and decisions. And before hitting another person…for whatever reason….be sure that we are prepared for the reaction and response to that decision.

Let us learn from the video of Ray Rice, if the actions of our lives were played out on video for the entire world to criticize and ridicule…would we be proud of our actions and reactions?

Live each day as if it is your last…how would you want to be remembered?

 

Join My Rays of Light Radio Tuesday Night at 10pm EST as we talk about this important issue

 

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mrol/2014/09/17/why-does-he-stay

The Best Man


The Best Man

If you can not imagine it forever
Do not lay beside her now
If you really do love her
Wait…love her out loud

Babies are true blessings
Not mistakes to be made
Walk away before conception
If you don’t love her enough to stay

Don’t allow a night of passion
Become the worst night in your life
When you thought of her as a thing
Not material for a wife

Respect her with your actions
Respect her with your tongue
She is somebody’s little girl
Not a prize to be won

Too young to be called Daddy
Then stop trying to play house
Make the decision of a man
Not the sounds of a mouse

Think before you act

For promises our bodies make

Can hide intentions of your ego

Fragile hearts begin to break

So don’t be all talk about
The man that you can be
Because when you walk out
You become a parody

A joke within the family
A boy in men’s clothing
A father who didn’t care
An object of loathing

So tonight before the sweet talk
Take a long look ahead
Make sure it’s really love
Not something lustful instead

Give your life a second glance
Develop a success theory
Make a future full of hope
Not one which is too dreary

Be the man you really are
Make babies when you’re grown
So when your child speaks of you
Your the best man they’ve ever known

 

I am Waging War


I am Waging War

I am waging war

I am putting down my mark

Against private wars against women

Which leave scars upon our hearts

A female journalist said

Don’t drink you won’t be raped

She even believing the lies

Leading to gender hate

A politician was quoted

Not saying it was her fault but…

Please Mister Government

That really is enough

We have allowed women

And their body parts to be used

As insults for our sons

Another form of abuse

You hit like a girl men yell

An insult for a boy

See we teach hate young

Leaving both sexes feeling a void

IF we teach our wonderful sons

That a female is a curse

Is it any wonder his opinion

Of women is the worst?

We are not only breeding hatred

Within our sons who are so young

But our daughters hate themselves

MY GOD…what have we done?

She feels she is unworthy

Maybe the assault was my fault

Please forgive us FATHER

This behavior has to stop

Remember the sluts that you talk of

Some ones daughter…someone’s mother

Of the sins we bathe in

When we fail to love one another

Please before it goes further

Weigh your words…they can be deadly

The time for forgiveness is now

Don’t you think the world is ready?

Ready to stand up for its sisters

Ready to speak out on her beauty

Yes…upward and onward

It’s our job…no OUR DUTY

Yes, I am waging war

I will no longer be idle

And you can call me one name

QUEEN is my title

So if you feel you have the urge

To spout negativity from afar

Go ahead I am ready…

I am waging war

Rape Is Never Okay


Rape is Never Okay

Asked to High School kids

When is rape okay

The answers that I found

Left my heart in dismay

If she drinks too much

If he dated her a lot

If at first she said yes

Then later decided not

If he was so sexually charged

He couldn’t stop proceeding

Rape is never okay

What evil are we breeding?

If she had sex with another

If she was drunk or high

Our kids say it’s okay

Shouldn’t we wonder why?

We make excuses for the rapist

She must have done something wrong

She must have been a worthless tease

Methodically turning him on

Now she cries rape?

And is blaming that poor guy

He is a victim…just ask the courts

Still don’t wonder why?

Why does it go unreported?

Why don’t more get arrested?

Maybe we should take a closer look

Let’s get a little more invested

She will be placed on trial

Why were you out so late

Why did you wear THAT dress

Oh…he was your date?

Laughter under the breath

Allegations of immoral acts

Not talking about…what ifs

I only deal with the facts

She will be dissected

His intention never posed

What about justice?

That book is now closed

What is the lesson I am teaching

What reality are we facing

The time to save humanity…short

Our life clocks are racing

Talk to your children

Don’t stop until they REALLY understand

Sex is about intimacy

Not something they should demand

Children learn from us

Place respect in their vision

So when these situations arise

They make the right decision

Rape isn’t an occurrence

That feeling never goes astray

It hurts and sometimes kills

Not a game that is played

It isn’t a decision to be made

It isn’t about a relationship on fire

It isn’t about her changing her mind

Or your uncontrollable desire

Rape is about violence

Nothing more nothing less

If we think it is okay

We are not doing our best

Protect the victims yet to be had

Protect the minds of our young

And protect the future

Lives of those who’ve just begun

It’s alright to say no

Anytime…anyway

Next time you’ll know

Rape is never…ever okay

 


The Search Is On

 

Why are we always in search of the man/woman that we think will complete us?  Are we not complete, as we are? Wouldn’t it be better if we looked, instead, for someone that complimented who we are now and encouraged us to grow?

When we are seeking something…man, woman or some object of material possession…to complete us; we are searching in vain. No one and nothing can fulfill that need. The most that we may ever be able to hope for is to find someone to walk with us in life; someone that we can grow with.

We shouldn’t place unrealistic expectations on ourselves or on others. Throw away the list of characteristics that you are looking for in a mate. I can only tell you, based on my experience; you may never really know what you need…until your Creator places it right in front of you. We may know what we WANT…but is it a necessity?

This may sound like I am suggesting that you lower your bar of expectation, but I am not. Instead, what I am encouraging you to do is to accept your higher self…and embrace that part of you. Acknowledge your path; the only person that can fulfill that journey…is you. Once you have completely recognized and accepted (who and what) you are; things will be laid in front of you. You won’t have to wonder if he/she is THE ONE; all the answers you seek will become crystal clear.

People place impossible deadlines upon themselves; thinking they must find their TRUE LOVE before a certain age. We must have 2.5 children before a certain age. We must own a home and make a certain amount of money. We even call this idea “success”.  And for some people that may be all they have success with; but I will tell you that I know people that are more successful, more content, and happier than most people that the world calls “successful”.

This happens because they know who they are; and are of the perception which dictates …they will always have exactly what they need, in life. Does this mean they are without struggle? No. But it does mean that the struggle is part of the path.

When we embrace all things…as one thing; the need for one thing over another…disappears. When we realize that our divine connection…is our foundation; we will finally KNOW who and what we are. And that knowledge takes away the need….to have another complete us. We cannot complete other people…we can only support, engage, uplift and grow with…them.

Release the expectations that we have allowed the world to place on us. If we adopt and accept the mindset that we are ONE…even the idea of mother/fatherhood takes on a different meaning. Do you remember, as a child, when your next door neighbor would watch out for you? They might even threaten to tell your mother or father if you misbehaved. These people were not thinking that you were not their biological children…yet the loved you.

When we accept the notion that we are all connected under one sun…by one Creator…regardless of how that Creator is referred; we have acknowledged and accepted our path. We have begun to grow…not only physically, and mentally, but spiritually. This growth will present more opportunities and the world will, literally, open up to us.

 

A Day In The Life


A Day In The Life

 Today is International Lupus Awareness Day. Those of you who know me; or have followed my blog, may be aware that I have Lupus. I usually write something poetic about that specific struggle; but I have decided to just share my day with you, instead. Let me first start by saying…this is not a ploy for sympathy; sympathy will not change anything. I know you may have heard of Lupus…but are you aware of it?

I wanted to share my day with you, because sometimes the “Lupus Talk” can be overwhelming…or perhaps it is hard to picture what it is like. This is MY day with Lupus…it will be different than many other Lupus survivors; as the true “Gem” of this disease is that it will attack us all differently.

It all started so simply; I am going to run an errand. I know I won’t be gone long; so I don’t take the necessary precautions. I will go over those momentarily. I put on a t-shirt and pants…throw my hair up in a hat and I am off.

Unfortunately I got stuck in a traffic jam for 30 minutes and it is 86 degrees; the sun is beaming down. For most people, this is not a horrible thing…but I have Lupus and everything is different for me.

In 30 minutes, I have severe sunburn…my face has blisters. My skin is hot to the touch…not because the wind wasn’t blowing, but because Lupus has destroyed my body’s ability to cool itself off…I never sweat. For those of you that don’t realize this; when you cannot cool your skin…it can be very damaging. By the time I get to my errand, I am physically ill. I have to run to the bathroom…I can’t seem to stop getting sick.

By the time I get home; my skin is burning…my face swollen and blistered. It hurts to open and close my eyes, because Lupus often comes along with other auto immune diseases; so I also have Sjogrens. Sjogrens tends to dry my eyes out; causing them to swell and often they turn black and blue. I am running into the bathroom…after getting sick once again, I tear off my clothes so I can take a cool shower…I must cool my skin down.

As I told you earlier, Lupus attacks us all differently. Severe sun damage can do more than sunburn and blisters; it has, previously caused some organs to shut down. I have gone into a coma…had several strokes.

I want you to be aware. Lupus is more than a purple ribbon. Lupus is more than a “Spoon Theory”. Lupus is more than a word. Lupus, for 1.5 million people in the U.S. alone, is a way of life. Up to 15% of Lupus patients will die from this disease…but what that means is up 225,000 Lupus patients , in the U.S., will die; that is 750,000 people worldwide. While Lupus patients are 90% women…it is usually more severe in men. Lupus tends to show up more in minorities; but can affect all people.

Don’t just “Hear” about Lupus…be aware. Be aware that when he/she says she is tired or in pain…it is REAL.

I was raised in a deeply spiritual home. I was taught to be thankful for every moment. But I will tell you…Lupus made me aware. I am aware that my day can change in a moment’s notice. I was in a coma for 2 ½ months; that does something to a person. I am thankful for every single day that is more “Normal” than the last. My kidneys and liver have shut down; my lungs have developed blood clots; yet I am thankful. I am still here…so today…I wanted to share a day in my life. Be thankful for what you have and be aware that some of us have it a little harder than you may realize.

As always, I wish you love and light.


Our Limit is the Sky

Shouts made in anger
Threats creating fear
Made to be so much worse
When said by someone dear

His words tend to cut
Into the very heart of you
Were there good times…yes
But in comparison…very few

He needs to make you feel
Less than the woman that you are
But not what God wanted for you
As he peers down from the stars

You may want to give up
Just throw up your hands
But I’m telling you not to
Find strength…make a stand

His words while hurtful
Are still not true
He has yet to know
The real woman…which is you

The sad people who hurt us
Trying to cause us pain
Only bring out our inner warrior
Where only light remains

We cannot be defeated
By their negative tone
Because one fact remains true
You are not alone

Any effort which he has made
To break your tender heart
Is only made fruitless by
He who created us from the start

No matter what effects man
Chooses to impose
God knows the path which
Turns a seed into a rose

He knows what is best
For His children one and all
He gives us courage to walk
When we think we can only crawl

Stand up my dear sister
Hold your head high
For our Father walks with you
And while its okay to cry

Know that when your tears
Have dried in the light of His love
You will soar like God’s angels
On the wings of a snowy dove

You have strength and power
Not yet even tapped
It matters not where you have been
Only where you are at

And you are at the feet of God
He will help you rise
For when we submit to His will
Our limit is the sky


Walk Together
Not sure when it started
Or who said it first
That woman is less
Words intended to hurt
Even worse than the intention
Than that statement tries to do
Is the fact that at some point
We started believing it too
Less than a man…
Half of his mind
We made less than a contribution
To the rise of mankind
Getting paid less than half
Of the same employers wage
Not good enough to be viewed the same
But let’s turn a page
Only the strength of a woman
Regardless of the sentiment of her worth
Is powerful enough to endure
The pressure of birth
And if we are so much weaker
Than our male counter parts
Why does he look for us to hold him up
Like his mother from the start
When he needs a shoulder
To make him feel whole
Why does he seek a wife
Or some female role
We were created to be caring
Made to be strong
And the myth of our weakness
Has gone on too long
So stop comparing my deeds
With what you may call power
Realize the same pain of a thorn
Reveals a beautiful flower
Learn to uphold all women
As God would have it be
And find the boldness of a mountain
The depth of the sea
And one day you will realize
The time that you wasted
On comparing your value
With what God also created
Smile now my brother
We do not want war
Just for you to remember
What we were brought here for
Let’s walk together
And hold each others hand
You will never need to know my lion
When I can be your lamb

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