Tag Archive: sisters


1500 Days


1500 Days

 

1500 days ago I experienced my FIRST REAL heartbreak.

1500 days ago was the first time I had noticed this emptiness in my heart.

1500 days ago was the last time her phone would call my house.

1500 days ago all our plans for the future, together, vanished.

1500 days ago…I started crying.

And all of these are true. But also:

1500 days ago I became thankful for just having known her.

1500 days ago I felt the need to share her with the world.

1500 days ago my moments with her became memories.

1500 days ago…life became more precious than silver or gold.

1500 days ago I learned how strong I REALLY am.

You see, 1500 days ago, she left this place. It was unexpected…but soon became reality.

And while the tears will still find me and often catch me off guard; I know she suffers no more.

I know that she is safe and no one can ever again cause her harm.

1500 days ago I became humbled…at how very fragile life can be.

And while I miss my sister, like nothing I have ever experienced, I know her love lifts me up.

I know she is watching over me and my family…smiling.

And sometimes when a tear rolls down my cheek unexpectedly…I swear I can feel her hand wipe it away.

So on this 1500th day…I celebrate life, love and an amazing woman.

So 1500 days later, she still makes me smile…when I think of her.

And my gift to you, on this 1500th day…embrace life.

Take no moment for granted.

Say, YES I CAN.

Then DO.

Take advantage of every opportunity you have in this life, to create a chain of hope.

Link with people…who may have given up.

Shine your light all over humanity.

Love everyone…especially YOURSELF.

You have to be strong…the world will test you.

And while I wouldn’t wish my 1500th day on ANYONE…

I made it…I am still here.

We have work to do…

For even on my 1500th day…

I love you still!

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His Grace


 His Grace

 

I woke up feeling sad

My heart was so blue

What was happening…oh

It was me missing you

 

It strikes all of a sudden

From a jump start

When my “missing you” thoughts

Go straight to my heart

 

So I wanted to write you

Reach out to you now

When I don’t know what to do

Not quite sure how

 

I miss you more each day

Though I guess it shouldn’t be

I should be used to this feeling

It’s such a part of me

 

So maybe I just needed

To whisper your name

Say I know you love me

And I feel the same

 

Let the tears that I drop

Water hearts forever

Reminding them…one day

We will again be together

 

Don’t wrinkle your nose

I know what you will say

Go out…live your life

Don’t grieve for me this way

 

Don’t let me cause sadness

Don’t let your heart break

You are loved and embraced

With every breath that you take

 

So straighten your walk

Turn the   soft music down

Wear that smile

Embrace the love you have found

 

Until next time my sister

My God Given best friend

When we are together forever

When time never ends

 

You filled my hearts heart

With love…warm feelings of you

I love you and am with you

No matter what you may do

 

As my tears slowly faded

And dried upon my face

I am thankful to Heaven

God lent me His grace

The Very Start


The Very Start

I know sometimes it is hard

I hear your lonely heart cries

Your life may feel guilt ridden

Getting harder to disguise

You loved me so well in my life

Don’t feel bad when sunshine comes

It’s a reminder of how well you loved me

Just where we came from

I know at times you feel lonely

But don’t let that be the only thing

For God has so much more in store

Before giving you your angel wings

So while your heart may feel broken

And your life may seem sad at times too

Remember there is a place in my heart

That only belonged to you

Don’t waste a tear on my loss

For we gained so much more

You taught me about life and love

What being sisters are really for

So I will watch down on you fondly

I will lightly touch your heart

To remind you how you touched

My life from the very start

But I Love You Anyway


But I Love You Anyway

 

The most difficult lessons we may ever learn, in this life, are the ones that break our hearts. I have personally endured such lessons. I have disappointed people; I have lost people that I love. I, like everyone else, have endured immeasurable grief.

 

When we grieve the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship; we are not grieving for the one who we lost. We are grieving for ourselves. We are angry, hurt, disappointed and often infuriated; by the fact that; we are left to carry on. We must find a way to keep going; even when our hearts are on fire, with sorrow.

 

Someone I love once told me that when my sister died…it didn’t happen to me. She said that it affected me; and my sorrow was really over the fact that I had to find a way to move on. I didn’t want to believe her; and the fact that she was/is someone who I know wouldn’t hurt me, intentionally; I took the time to listen to her. I was angered by what she said. Of course it happened to me, MY sister died. It was at that point, when she stopped me. She said, “Say that again”. I repeated it was MY sister that died. The point I was trying to emphasize is that she was my sister, not hers; and how dare she say it didn’t happen to me? She said again in the softest voice…she died…you didn’t.

 

Tears started streaming out of my face; seemingly out of nowhere, I saw her point. I had to find the strength to move on; I was left alone to survive. The mere thought of that idea; to this day, makes me cry. I had to decide to move on; I had to decide…every day… to breathe in and out. I found this knowledge disturbing and it hurt. Not that I didn’t want to live; I’m not suicidal. But I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be a part of a world where my sister, my best friend…no longer breathed. I felt abandoned…I felt isolated and I was angry.

 

I felt justified in my anger; no one knew what it was like to love my sister, the way I did. I found a million ways to look at this situation; so that no one could effectively say…I know how you feel. I slowly realized; I created the isolation. People wanted to care; simply because they loved me…and I was hurting.

 

Anger is a funny thing; it can feel so good. Anger can burn longer than any candle you ever light, if we allow it to. Anger can fuel any negative fire that we may come into contact with. Anger will also destroy us.

 

Anger will keep us from forgiving others and it will keep us from being forgiven. Remember what I said in the beginning…everything is a lesson.

 

When we hold on to anger…we are only hurting ourselves. We are blocking our blessings; even when it isn’t our intention.

 

Sometimes I still get angry; when I think about my sister. I will get angry at the mere thought of her leaving me. I have even had conversations about it, with her.

 

But thankfully, I have a most gracious Creator. Even in moments when I feel like I deserve nothing; my Creator shines light on me and says, “But I love you anyway”.

 

We are surrounded by beauty and love; it can be found in everyone and everything.

 

People may say that is just hippy talk; how is a dandelion beauty and love…it is a weed!!

I love these moments. I smile and say, hold out your hands. When empty hands are held out; I will say…using only what is in your hands…make that weed.

 

The beauty and love, even in a dandelion, is the fact that it was created from Greatness. We were all created from Greatness; made to love one another. And when a life cycle ends, on earth, the memories we created with that person…has the miracle of eternal life.

 

There are people on the planet, who were not privileged enough to know my sister. I was blessed by her existence and her memories live through me. People are touched by her; through my writing or speech or actions. Her life truly is eternal.

 

My life was forever changed the day that my sister died. I miss her…every day of my life. There is a void that her death has given me; and I would be lying if I denied that. But it was her time to go Home; and while I don’t think she would have chosen it; she earned it. I know she watches over me now; and I’ m sure she is shaking her head, at times. But the true blessing, is knowing that no matter what I do; which she might not agree with…she will always meet me with an, “But I love you anyway”.

 

And don’t we all deserve those moments?

Walks With Angels


Walks With Angels

 

Walking with angels

It is that which she does

Smiling and laughing

Filling Heaven with her love

She no longer feels

Hurt or pain

And while I may never

Feel the same

Her time here was over

She needed to rest

Knowing her was a privilege

No doubt I was blessed

No question she honored us

Each day with her smile

This angel God allowed us

 To know for a while

Like clockwork her laughter

Resounds in my ear

When I need her voice

Or just wish she was here

She whispers sweetly

“You are not alone”

I never left your heart…

My permanent home

I couldn’t ever walk

 Away from you

I would have never left…

You know it’s true

However the plans of God

Are never in vain

And while you may think

Things have changed

She went on to say…

God had plans for me

And just knowing you

Gave me wings

Please do not cry

And do not mourn

For you, too,

Will be reborn

It’s like a balmy paradise

Every single day

We smile on those we’ve met

Along the way

Please smile when I

Come to your heart

And know you have been there

From the start

Nothing so beautiful

You could ever have known

As when our Father

Calls us home

While you feel my absence

From your ear

Know that God

Will keep me near

For on your lifelong journey

Which may at times seem bleak

I will always be here by your side

With anything you seek

Don’t worry my love

And don’t feel awry

God is watching over you

And He’s right by my side

So I ask you today

Welcome joy in your heart

Knowing you may not see me…

But we are never apart

A Blessed Gift


A Blessed Gift

Another lifelong memory

They often come too fast

Yet every memory I recall

Creates more smiles than the last

Sometimes tears still fall

Out of nowhere they release

The pain is all too obvious

But can’t hide what’s underneath

And the core layer of this

Is so much love outpouring

My soul has taken wings

Like an eagle we are soaring

You give my spirit warmth

It smiles when you arrive

Giving me more reason

Thankful I am alive

For in my life I knew you

And even on day like today

When my heart is aching

I find more smiles this way

So happy birthday to you

God’s presents know how to touch

The very heart of a soul

Even though I miss you so much

So today and always dear one

Thank you for a life well spent

And thank God for sharing you

We have loved you ever since

I love you even in grief

My tears are filled with joy

It helps fill the gaps

Your leaving left a void

But I am thankful still you know

For you touched a life in need

Yes thank God for this always

A blessed gift indeed

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